Archive | thoughts

when the holidays magnify heartache

This is a re-post from last year – it just felt like the right post to share again today. I adore this time of year as much as the next person, but it never fails that the joy and twinkling lights and peppermint candies are always accompanied by some type of undeniable pain and sadness and loss. If you find yourself not quite in the holiday spirit today, may this post be an encouragement to you …

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I’m a dreamer.

Not in the sense that I’m a visionary with lofty ideas or plans. I’m not that type.

I’m literally a dreamer. I wake nearly every morning having dreamt the night before and can usually remember large portions of these dreams. Sometimes they are off-the-wall, make-no-sense types of dreams. Other times, I wake with a deep impression, a clarity, a sense that my dream was not just a dream.

Sunday morning, was one of those moments.

I’ll spare you the details, but the gist was that I quickly delivered a baby boy and he only lived for a few short minutes.

I woke with a broken heart.

I am not pregnant, we are not trying for another baby, it’s not a story I recently read or watched or had a conversation about. There is no logical reason why my sleeping brain would dream about this. Someone told me once that when interpreting dreams, pay less attention to the details and focus on the emotions instead. So I woke, thought about my dream and was compelled to pray.

This time of year is about joy and cheer and merry and bright. There is so much to celebrate, so many delicious smells and cherished traditions, festive parties and happy moments. It is the most wonderful time of the year.

But the holidays also magnify heartache.

The loss of loved ones. Broken marriages. Sickness. Financial struggles. Unexpected hardships. Unrealized dreams. Fears coming true.

These things happen all year long, but it sure seems they pile up during the holidays. Heaps of sadness, heartbreak, struggle, loss come pouring down during this time of year when we should be singing merrily.

I don’t mean to be a downer. I just know there is a lot of pain underneath our glittery sequins – sometimes hidden masterfully, other times oozing out in the least expected moments.

You are not alone.

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As I lay in bed on sunday morning, I prayed. I prayed for the mothers who have lost babies. I prayed for the families who are fractured, for those with scary diagnoses, for the heartache and brokenness we all feel. Will you join with me in praying? For relationships healed and bodies made well, for jobs found and hope restored. But most of all, for an unexplainable peace to cover and comfort in the face of trial.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

You are welcome to download and print this quick scripture reminder I made for myself. Share it with a friend who needs hope today or keep it for yourself as a reminder of His loving gift of grace and peace in the midst of ugly circumstances.

grace-and-peace-print (click image to download)

 

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coffee chat thanksgiving edition

Hello my friends! Just wanted to pop in real quick to say hi and Happy Thanksgiving and whew … are you ready for the holiday wonderfulness to begin?!!

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We are hosting Thanksgiving at our house so it’s a mad dash to get the furniture put back, pictures hung on the walls, accessories thoroughly dusted and rearranged, table set and groceries bought after our mini-remodel.

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The floors look amazing (minus the big dent we made while moving the piano. oops), the white walls feel so fresh and the baseboard trim went up earlier this week and once it is calked and painted, it will totally finish off the spaces. It was a lot of work, a lot of money and a lot of dust and chaos for these past few weeks, but we’re so happy with the results.

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I’ll show real after photos once we’re done. Hopefully next week.

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Here’s a fun fact: Ryan and I slept this past saturday until 10:30. TEN THIRTY!

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As I shared on instagram, it was glorious.  The kids are now at the age where they can wake up and grab a bowl of cereal and draw or play a board game (blokus is their current favorite) or watch a show without needing us.

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Speaking of shows, the reason Ryan and I slept so long is because we couldn’t stop watching episode after episode of our favorite show: Newsroom. We stayed up way too late for three nights in a row and plowed through all of season 2. That show is so good. Quick witted, great acting, likeable characters, super interesting plot. A definite recommendation if you’re looking for a reason to stay up way too late and an excuse to sleep in.

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Still finalizing your Thanksgiving menu? I promise you’ll want to add this recipe: Sweet Poatoe Puree with Brown Sugar & Sherry. It’s devine.

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Our annual BIG thanksgiving weekend sale is coming again starting Friday! I think you’ll love the new christmas-y prints and it’s a great opportunity to grab a bunch of gifts for cheap, cheap, cheap. Details to come …

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Alright, I better get back to readying our house. I hope you have a lovely holiday and many chances to count your blessings.

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Happy Thanksgiving!

(all images from my instagram feed. Follow along here)

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chosen (thoughts + free art prints)

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My parents divorced when I was 20.

I know they say that adult children deal with divorce better than younger ones – and that probably is true to a point – but it sure doesn’t feel good or easy or right even when you’re grown and out of the house.

Let me back up for a second …

My childhood was just about as good as I could have ever asked for. I am the middle of three girls, our parents were young and fun, we lived in family-friendly neighborhoods with good schools and activities nearby. We grew up close to our grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins spending a lot of time with them for holidays, sleepovers, every chance we could. We had traditions and memories, vacations and love. Truly, I could not have asked for a better childhood.

Which I think is what made the break-up of our family even more difficult to deal with.

A handful of factors led to that devastating moment when my dad made the choice to leave us.  It never made sense to me – maybe it still doesn’t – how a man who adored his family and did everything he could to protect and provide for us could make the choice to walk away. I don’t think he knew what the true consequences were going to be. Maybe if he did, he would have chosen differently. I’d like to think so.

It still stings all these years later. I’ve healed a ton, but gosh my heart is still fragile. I miss him and feel sad and let down and even though I know their divorce was not my fault, I still can’t get over the feeling that maybe we just weren’t worth enough for him to choose us.

I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I guess I’ve just been struggling with some of the long-lasting issues that come with feeling not-chosen and it seems like something I should confess. Maybe you feel rejection in your life, too? Continue Reading →

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coffee chat no. 18

Every once in a while I just have all these random things to say and nowhere to fit them in, so they get all smushed together in a post series I like to call coffee chats.

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Pretend we’re sitting across from each other (or standing on a soccer field) sipping our drinks (decaf, tall, extra hot, one pump mocha for me, please) and enjoying a few moments to just catch up and talk about all the things floating around in our minds.

Here are a few things I might chat about: Continue Reading →

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q & a day

q&a For the next day or so, let’s have a Q & A. Feel free to ask me any question in the comments and I’ll respond back as a reply to your comment.

Let’s imagine we’re sitting together over a cup of something delicious watching our rambunctious children and having a real life conversation (except without the inevitable interruptions from said children). No topic is off limits and I’m a fairly open and honest girl … so … ask away!

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