he calls me mom
My oldest son is 7 1/2.
He is in second grade, is into lego building, video game playing and bike riding. He loves to snack. He is terrified of germs. He {still} adores his tattered blankie.
He is really smart, creative, witty and has the cutest freckles on his nose.
And he calls me mom.
I’m not ready to be a mom. Now, a mommy … I’m all over that one. I was born to be a mommy.
I can do the late night feedings, the diaper changing, the snuggling with a baby. I can play peek-a-boo and sing silly songs to an infant. I can read books like tumble bumble and sheep in a jeep and play play-do with a preschooler. I respond to mommy. It is probably my favorite of all words.
But, mom?
I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know how to do it.
To know when to hold on and when to let go.
To know how to teach my baby without hindering him from learning on his own.
To know how to relate when he doesn’t want to snuggle in my lap and tell me all about his day.
We aren’t quite there, but it is coming and I’m afraid. And a little sad.
I love this boy and I love that I get to watch him grow into such a wonderful kid. He makes me so proud every single day with the things he says, the questions he asks, the kindness and thoughtfulness he shows. But I kind of miss the baby #1. My sweet firstborn whom I adore with all of my heart. I want him to grow, I do. But I sort of want him to stop growing too.
He calls me mom, but I hope he knows that I will forever be his mommy.
amie
oh my.. i saw the title of this one in my email inbox the other day. not having the time to read it i saved it for later. then i was cleaning out my inbox and saw it again. almost swept it with all the other “i would love to check out but need to move on” deletes i had. but i didn’t. i am very glad.
you could have been writing the words on my heart just yesterday. i was snuggling with my 7 year old & he was reading to me. the same thoughts went through my head .. i mean Exactly the same thoughts! Garrett is my oldest. A sweet, sensitive, emotional, fun, athletic, smart, huggy little boy! when he was done reading his book, i asked him “you’ll always be my little boy right?” he giggled and said he would. “and you’ll always love your momma, right?” he giggled again and said Yes.
thank you for sharing.
janae
I feel the SAME way! My lil guy is 6 1/2 and I wonder where the time went so quickly! The funny thing is just this morning as he was calling me (luckily he stills calls me mommy) I was thinking my daughter (12) doesn’t call for me that much anymore….she needs me less than he does…..I was sad…..sad that sometimes I let these moments slip away, and always feel like I have tomorrow to play a game, or do a craft….I am making TODAY tomorrow…
Kathy
Thank you.
With each of my children I could feel them slipping through my fingers even as I held them…wishing I could capture their scent, their feel as I held them…snuggled them. Motherhood is so terribly wonderful.
Emily M
That made me tear up. So beautiful. My little guy is only 2, so I’m still Mommy. I can understand why turning into Mom would be a little heart breaking.
Holly
This made me cry today. I found your blog through pinterest (the fake calligraphy post) and started browsing. My boys are 9, 6, and almost 2 and I’ve had all these thoughts about them, especially the big boys lately. Thanks for this.
Molly
I absolutely loved reading this. My son will be 8 years old in 14 days, he calls me “Momma”, and I hope he always does, but that day may be coming someday soon that I will be known as MOM. I’m hoping my 4 year old daughter doesn’t pick up on the change too early on.
Great blog. Love it!
maura
i’ve read this at least a half a dozen times and it makes me tear up every time i read it. thanks for expressing so beautifully what we all feel (:
Nancy
I bought a sign on etsy. So, there’s this boy He kinda stole my heart He calls me Mom Purchased from InMind4U. I tripped on it on ebay. I’m a single mom of a teenage boy. She customized it for me black with white lettering. Love the sign!!
Genny
Wow! Just came across your blog and I know exactly how you feel and what you mean. Our “baby” just left for college this past August. The time went by way too fast! Obviously, I’m much older than you are, but I can so remember having the same feelings, only at a time when moms didn’t blog or share some of these feelings. It’s OK for him to call you “mom” — you want him to grow up — that’s the goal! Think of how sad you would be if he wasn’t growing and developing the way he should be. At least that is what I’ve told myself over the years. Try to enjoy all the stages along the way — they grow up way too fast!
Maci Nogueira
Emily, I’m Brazilian and fan of your blog. I clearly understand the meaning of your words. My son is 36 y.o. but when I look at him what I see is a lovely baby (do not let him know …).
Ashley @ Dirt Stains and Paint
Just re-read this. A good reminder for me this morning. Cherish these little years. They are fleeting. Thanks Emily!
Sandy
hello,
Every once in a while my 8 year old “little boy” will ask me something and call me Mom, It feels so weird and I am so not ready for it.
My 16 year old even still calls me her Mommy…
I love the mommy part.
It makes me feel like time stands still.
Suddenly he will try to talk with a big boy voice and call me Mom.
And that is when I feel that time just flies.
Thanks for sharing!
Sandy
Donna
Emily,
Firstly, brilliant blog! I came across it today at work and I can’t help but neglect my work and browse through your blog in its entirety. Love! Altough I feel like you are writing my life story in every post, I felt compelled to comment on this one. I am the very blessed, very proud and very overwhelmed by every part of them, mother of two little girls (4 and 2). Last week it hit me…my husband and I have decided that we won’t be having any more children (our plans, but His plans are bigger…and I secretly, at times hope His come to fruition). This realisation has spurred on so many emotions. The thought that every “new” word, action, achievments, etc. being made from my “last” baby makes me sad and at times emotional. Reading your above post pulled all the heart strings existing as I know that even this chapter of my life is coming to a close. My baby is growing up. My favorite part of your post and one I relate to so very well is when you write ” I want him to grow, I do. But I sort of want him to stop growing too.” My sentiments exactly!
Thank you for this wonderful post and for sharing that although we come to a close on some things, there are a million new openings to follow.
Bless
D.
emily
thank you for reading! It is so hard to say goodbye to the little stages of childhood. I miss them as babies already and we’re not even that far removed from it! I do cherish all of the times we have together and know that in a few years I will miss this stage too. It all changes so quickly!
Ester Irene
You are an Amazing Mom! your son is soo handsome.. and this writing is beautiful…
I Love the way you say this:
“I’m not ready to be a mom. Now, a mommy … I’m all over that one. I was born to be a mommy.”
Thanks for sharing
mary
oh my.
this is exactly how i feel.
so hard sometimes, but God giveth more grace.
xoxo