he calls me mom
My oldest son is 7 1/2.
He is in second grade, is into lego building, video game playing and bike riding. He loves to snack. He is terrified of germs. He {still} adores his tattered blankie.
He is really smart, creative, witty and has the cutest freckles on his nose.
And he calls me mom.
I’m not ready to be a mom. Now, a mommy … I’m all over that one. I was born to be a mommy.
I can do the late night feedings, the diaper changing, the snuggling with a baby. I can play peek-a-boo and sing silly songs to an infant. I can read books like tumble bumble and sheep in a jeep and play play-do with a preschooler. I respond to mommy. It is probably my favorite of all words.
But, mom?
I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know how to do it.
To know when to hold on and when to let go.
To know how to teach my baby without hindering him from learning on his own.
To know how to relate when he doesn’t want to snuggle in my lap and tell me all about his day.
We aren’t quite there, but it is coming and I’m afraid. And a little sad.
I love this boy and I love that I get to watch him grow into such a wonderful kid. He makes me so proud every single day with the things he says, the questions he asks, the kindness and thoughtfulness he shows. But I kind of miss the baby Ethan. My sweet firstborn whom I adore with all of my heart. I want him to grow, I do. But I sort of want him to stop growing too.
He calls me mom, but I hope he knows that I will forever be his mommy.
Posted by emily
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106 comments
amie
oh my.. i saw the title of this one in my email inbox the other day. not having the time to read it i saved it for later. then i was cleaning out my inbox and saw it again. almost swept it with all the other “i would love to check out but need to move on” deletes i had. but i didn’t. i am very glad.
you could have been writing the words on my heart just yesterday. i was snuggling with my 7 year old & he was reading to me. the same thoughts went through my head .. i mean Exactly the same thoughts! Garrett is my oldest. A sweet, sensitive, emotional, fun, athletic, smart, huggy little boy! when he was done reading his book, i asked him “you’ll always be my little boy right?” he giggled and said he would. “and you’ll always love your momma, right?” he giggled again and said Yes.
thank you for sharing.
janae
I feel the SAME way! My lil guy is 6 1/2 and I wonder where the time went so quickly! The funny thing is just this morning as he was calling me (luckily he stills calls me mommy) I was thinking my daughter (12) doesn’t call for me that much anymore….she needs me less than he does…..I was sad…..sad that sometimes I let these moments slip away, and always feel like I have tomorrow to play a game, or do a craft….I am making TODAY tomorrow…
Kathy
Thank you.
With each of my children I could feel them slipping through my fingers even as I held them…wishing I could capture their scent, their feel as I held them…snuggled them. Motherhood is so terribly wonderful.
Emily M
That made me tear up. So beautiful. My little guy is only 2, so I’m still Mommy. I can understand why turning into Mom would be a little heart breaking.
Holly
This made me cry today. I found your blog through pinterest (the fake calligraphy post) and started browsing. My boys are 9, 6, and almost 2 and I’ve had all these thoughts about them, especially the big boys lately. Thanks for this.
Molly
I absolutely loved reading this. My son will be 8 years old in 14 days, he calls me “Momma”, and I hope he always does, but that day may be coming someday soon that I will be known as MOM. I’m hoping my 4 year old daughter doesn’t pick up on the change too early on.
Great blog. Love it!