on being a mother of four

I am also a mom of 4 littles or monkeys as we call them. they are 12, 11, 9, 4.5. boy, boy, girl, girl. all adopted. my husband and i also talked about having a big family and now that i have it, we are thankful for them and at the same time extremely tired. life with 4 is always a crazy circus. thank you for your frank talk, your honesty is so refreshing. i love to meet other moms who know that life is crazy and not perfect and that is okay. my house is clean about 70 percent of the time but my kids are loved and my food is homemade most days. I am proud of the people my kids are becoming and i know that you are proud of yours too. xoxo jenny

So I know this was a post from last year, but reading it again just brings tears to my eyes. As a mom of little ones myself I so understand. We had a boy and then a girl and everyone just assumed we were done since “I had my girl” well, we’re not and I’m pregnant again (and maybe again if God wants in the future) and now everyone asks if this baby was planned! Like having more than 2 is some insane idea. Thank you for this wonderful post, your blog is amazing and I am amazed at all you do all while raising your kids in a loving Christ based household. Thank you for your encouragement that moms like me can do it as well

I really appreciate this blog post.

Oh my! I just found your website through Mandy at Biblical Homemaking and … I think that we are twins! Well, except that you look like a model. LOL! I have lived this day with our 4 kids (who are great kids and we love dearly!). I have always been so irritated when people feel compelled to say, “Wow. You sure have your hands full!” Why does that irritate me so much? It’s usually said when the kids are being wonderfully behaved! But, it’s said and I always feel judged, like what they really mean to say is, “Why on earth would a responsible person have so many kids?” It must be the accompanying attitude and tone with which its said. I have treasured random moments when starngers ahve said complimentary, kind things. My friend and I always tell each other, “When we’re old grandmas, we’re going to coo over all the darling children in grocery store lines and encourage thier mommas … whether the little ones are being darling or not!”
Wonderfully encouraging post!

~Amber

Hi! Recently stumbled upon your blog (and am now obsessed with it, as many others seem to be as well) and loooove it. I read this post under “favorites” and hung on to every word. I *only* have 2 little boys (ages 4 and 2) and simply couldn’t imagine what it would be like with 3, or 4, or more. God bless you ladies who have multiple kiddos! I’m relieved when I only have to bring one of them along with me for a quick trip to Target, you probably feel the same when you only have 3? :) Anyway, sorry that ol’ lady gave you such a hard time at Panera (it WAS Panera, right?…apple, chips, yogurt). She probably meant no harm but could have chosen kinder words without a doubt. And thank you for the reminder to help fellow mothers or to compliment them…nobody ever forgets a compliment they receive about their kids!!

Same here. Honestly, there isn’t much anyone can say to me when I’m out in public with my kids that I don’t take offense to, unless of course they do offer encouragement or give assistance. I’m just that “high strung” when I’m out with them. I must relate this quick story, because its a feel gooder and it meant the world to me. When I my 2 oldest were toddlers and I was expecting #3 I took a plane trip without my husband. I knew that it could be a crazy, miserable experience for everyone on board so months ahead of time I began micromanaging the trip. I talked to my boys about what to expect, every step of the way and I had various treats or activities that they could have at specific times. The trip went PERFECT. Not a single meltdown. They even laid down and slept right when I told them to. Now for the best part. We got off the plane and as I was packing my boys up–on in the stroller one in a carrier someone tapped my shoulder. He said, ” I sat behind you that entire trip and I have to say that it such a relief to see a woman who knows how to be a mother.” I am not sure how I responded, but I felt like I had just been the given the gold star of a lifetime. Honestly the stress of the whole trip just came to a head and held back tears on my way to baggage claim. Funny, a calm and uneventful trip for everyone else is a ton of work for mom!! Anway, I don’t always live up to that compliment, but it feels good that at a time when I put so much effort into something my success didn’t go unnoticed. In contrast, the man right next to me complimented my kid’s on their good behavior and I thought, “do you have any idea what I’ve been doing for the last 2 months just to accomplish this?” I mean, my kids did do great, but I appreciated the gentlemen giving mom a pat the back too. We need it!

As many others, this really hit home for me… I am a mother of 3 (13,12, and 7). I also work full time..I don’t want to, but one income doesn’t cut it right now. I can relate to taking all the kids somewhere by yourself, it can be overwelming, detracting, frustrating.. but like you said, they need to know how to behave in public and you want to do fun things with them. Mine are a little older now, but I feel like the older they get, the harder it is to be a parent. Also, you said “..I see my behavior, my words, my food preferences, my mannerisms reflected right back to me through them. And I don’t always like what I see.” This made me sad, because I don’t always have it to together, I can be lazy, short tempered, slacking on meals.. and I don’t want to be that way. :/ I feel like working full time isn’t the best thing for our family, but we need 2 incomes… I hope to work from home someday soon. Not sure what I will do yet… something creative.
You inspire me, being a young mother with multiple children, like me, and working from home, all you’ve accomplished. It makes me hopeful. :) Thank you for this blog.

Oh Emily, You took words out of my mouth! It is hard work. I too am a mom of 4 children (1 boy and 3 girls, our son is the oldest) ages 5, 3 1/2, 2, and 8 months! I think what gets to me most is when people say “Oh my you’ve got your hands full” or “How do you do it?” or “that’s just crazy”. Oh I fume alright. But I’m quick to remind myself (ok, ok I’m not so quick all the time, lol) that God is gracious and blesses me time and time again. I wouldn’t EVER trade them for anything or anyone. And quite frankly I LOVE THEM TO PIECES! Some days are a walk in the park (the days that no one spills, or all 4 take a nap at the same time etc.). Other days, I wish I were a turtle… I’d tuck my little ol self in and let the world pass me by! Yes, there are days that are just that hard! Thank you for this post. I want to print it (and all these wonderful comments too) and frame it so that I can remember that I’m certainly not the only mom doing her best… and feeling that sometimes it’s just not good enough. But, then again, we are our worst critics!!! Power to you mommy of 4 from a mommy of 4 all the way in Hawaii!!! :)

I should not have read this in public as it made me dash for my tissues for the tears because it was so good, and SO close to home!!

I too am a mother of three boys, then a daughter and that lady in a pink sweater has LoTs of faces! Like you, that wasn’t our goal, and I worried more about being a mom to a girl than I ever did to a boy. I had lots of experience with growing boys, but not girls. What a steep learning curve for me ;-). I always feel bad for the other kids listening when people say thoughtless things like that…. Too bad the adults didn’t have a mother who cared enough to teach them kindness!

You brought back these memories…. I had been graduated from college several years before becoming a Mom but looked 16 or so (a looongg time ago ) and had to fly for several hours. When I boarded with my bag and 4 month baby, I had to ask to get by the business man in his suit sitting in the aisle seat. His angry look said more than he ever could have with words…not happy, expect crying etc. My son slept ate, we played games, I read to him, as planned. The only noise he made was laughing. When it was time for the man to get off he grabbed his bag, then bent over and very kindly said “You are a good Mom.” My tired mind and worried heart really appreciated those simple words!
Our babies are all 19- 26 now. At the last parent-teacher conference I went to, the first teacher proceeded to tell me my son was going to be a failure in life if he kept the trend up….at the time he had a B/C in this math class he hated (a/b in the rest of his classes) …and the teacher just kept ripping on my 17 yr old son who started his day at basketball practice, then worked his job at for two hours, then went to school, then went and worked on our house we were building, then went back to practice! From that teacher I went to a different son’s teacher who began with, “if I was a parent who cared….then proceeded to rip up that son (also an A/B student)! Neither teacher had kids of their own so were perfect parents maybe ;-). Both of those son’s graduated from college with honors, one with a minor and major in 3.5 yrs, and both had jobs lined up upon graduation and I never went to another PT conference after these teachers.

I tried to learn from these adults and remember to say kind words to parents, and offer to help if I can. I wouldn’t trade being the Mom of four for anything, and understand how hard it can be. Your kids are lucky to have a Mom who cares!

Thanks for sharing!
Sharon
dexterdays-sdk.blogspot.com

Emily, I get so excited when I get an e-mail from you. You always have such good ideas and thoughts. I’ve behind in reading my e-mails due to a catastrophe in my house (water leak). I wanted to tell you that I come from a family of 5 girls. Same comments were made to my mom. “Well, I guess you never could get that boy!” After the 5th girls, I remember people asking her if they were going to stop trying. I have a sister that has 5 kids and another sister that has 7. When the 7th child was born with down’s syndrome, her mother-in-law asked her (while still in the hospital) if she would please tie her tubes. Horrible, just horrible. On another matter, when I receive your e-mails, I always click on the different links that you include. I don’t know if you knew this or not… but your link to the “speaker” in your church that day takes you to Peter Rollins website. While I was there, I clicked on the heading “The Contemporary Church is a Crack House”. Pretty good reading! Then, I started listening to the song that was included in that article. The “F” word was used over and over in the song. Very strange to me. I know you can’t police what goes on in other people’s websites and maybe you were aware of that song and the profanity. But, what I thought was going to be a sweet uplifting song quickly became the opposite. Just thought you might not be aware of what was on the other side of your link.

I’m doing a horrible job of keeping up with my google reader, and with over 300 comments, I don’t know that you’ll read this anyway! But I just wanted to take a moment to say, I’m with you. I”m with you ALLLL over. I’ve said the same things myself – we MUST speak up and encourage each other. Don’t keep the thoughts to our selves. And HELP when the help is wanted and needed. I know there were times I was pleading on the inside for some help, and I only have two (that were 20 months apart – the first two years of that were quite challenging). You ARE doing a good job, Mom, and you are training them well. To learn, we must fail. And lastly, the “finally got a girl” comment burns me up, too!!! My grandmother acts this way – all of her great grandchildren have been boys, until my daughter. It infuriates me, and I”m sure my brother, that it as if the other lives God created didn’t matter as much because they are just ‘boys’. Grrrrrr.. I’m glad you chose to write all this and I appreciate you being transparent and sharing it.

I am also a mother of four and have three boys and my youngest is also a girl. I know how you feel. They have bad days when we are out and the youngest is kind of rotten because she has three big boys that let her have her way most of the time. I have experienced my fair share of the “hot pink” ladies, and I wish I had the nerve to just say, “leave me alone if you can’t be helpful”.

OMG, this is so my life! Having children (especially multiple children) is more work than one can ever anticipate. I have three, and I have experienced everything you wrote about (and chronicle my maternal adventures and mis-adventures on my blog, http://www.littlemeems.com. It’s how I cope!). In my experience, women like the lady in pink are mothers with regrets. The mothers who project perfection are the mothers who wish they’d done things differently. I’ll trade happy noise and a little chaos any day over “perfect” children. Even when they’re embarrassing me. My children are well-behaved (most of the time – they’re kids!) and when someone tells me how brave I am, I think to myself (and have even said, on occasion) “Well, some people can handle it, and some people can’t. It’s really not that bad.” Kids don’t need perfect parents…they need to see that imperfection is OK. It’s what makes us who we are. It makes us interesting! Embrace it – life wouldn’t be nearly as interesting without it!

Dear dear Emily! Thank you so much for this sweet, honest, beautiful post! I wish so much sometimes that I could know you personally. I would love to give you a big hug right now!
I have a dear cousin who has seven – yes, I said seven – precious children and is expecting another. She has mentioned several ‘pink-sweater-women’ incidents that she has had, and how discouraging it can be. But she and her husband also get the ‘your children are so well behaved!’ comments, and those times are so encouraging. My mother and her father are brother and sister in a family of seven kids as well, and we believe that children are a blessing from God, as it says many times in the Bible. They are His reward!
His strength is there, and through it, my cousin and her husband are striving to raise their “full quiver” to become mighty men and valiant ladies for God’s kingdom and glory.
Take heart! Lean hard on the Lord when the bad days come, seek His help in raising your dear sons and daughter for His glory, and He will reward you!
Thank you again for this wonderful post!

Soli Deo Gloria!

-Kyrie<

P.S. My cousin has a blog as well and, in case you are interested in reading about some of her adventures, here is the link to it:
http://cottagecapers.blogspot.com/

OMG, I LOVE this post!!!! I have two little boys (26 months apart) and they are a handful. If it was up to me I would have 4 kids! In a sick way I kind of love the craziness. haha! Actually, we’re thinking about starting to try for #3 right now…not that we really have to “try” either…but we’re planning. The bad/crazy times make the good times that much more enjoyable. And I believe that this pink sweater woman is so far from the stage we are in right now that she truly forgets. Agh! Honestly, I wonder what I’m going to do with myself when the kids are grown and out of the house. Yes, I have lots of hobbies that I don’t get to as much as I’d like, and my house isn’t as perfect as I’d like it but I think I’m going to feel lost in 15-20 years.

And you are right on…these kids have taught me SO much about myself. Thank you for the reminder….and it’s honesty like this that makes me want more kids. See…I do have a sickness! haha!

I appreciate your insights and honesty. You’re right – our children, as precious as they are, certainly have a way of making us realize that we can’t take life too seriously. There will be spilled milk, boogers on our sweater, and frazzled trips to the grocery store, diner, and everything in between. However, I think it’s important we maintain our sense of humor, too. The lady in the pink sweater honestly meant no harm, no ill-intent, she was simply making conversation. You are brave to go it alone, but that’s what makes you an awesome mom. We can’t expect people to know exactly how we feel unless we decide to share our feelings with them, in an educational, enlighting manner. (For example, I really enjoy having my little boys and my daughter is just the icing on the cake!)

I’m not sure I agree that others should have sympathy on us, or even offer to help. It was our choice to have a large family – so with it comes the comments occassionally, that we brush off and look onward. Large families get to have the most fun at Christmas and vacations, and our houses will hopefully be blessed with lots of pitter-patters of our grandchildren. We may have it a little harder than those with just 1 or 2, but that’s a decision that every parent gets to make.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for posting this. I have two toddlers, while it’s nothing compared to your 4, it’s a lot. I work full-time, and I feel like somedays I’m barely hanging from a thread. This post is my lifeline this morning… I have a boy & a girl, and I get the ignorant comments saying “Oh! You have one of each, how perfect!” It wouldn’t make a difference if they were either or, I’m happy to have them and wouldn’t change it for the world. Trying to keep a clean & safe home environment, eating healthy, keeping presentable is so hard sometimes. But then you get tiny little moment sprinkled in that are absolute BLISS, those moments completely wash away any bad or annoying memories… Parenting is hard, and it’s nice to know that we are all imperfect & strive to do the best we can. <3

You have no idea how perfect this was for me tonight. I’m a Mom of *only* two [4 1/2 year old boy, and 3 1/2 year old girl] and tonight was a rough one. My husband works nights and although we are “used to” his schedule, we [I] miss him terribly when he’s gone! I really feel like God touched my heart through this post and reminded me that although not each minute of each day runs as perfectly as I’d like it to… ya we order in pizza once a week, my son won’t touch any fruit or veggie but bananas, and my daughter acts like a cat one day and a horse then next… I was reminded that I’m not the only young mom in the world to feel like I’m not getting it all right. And the part about them teaching US – and seeing so much of us [the good and the bad] in them… that’s so scary to me and is such a wake up call! Thanks for taking the time to share your heart and for being so “real”! From the looks of the comments, I’m not the only one you’ve touched! :) Love you blog, and I don’t comment enough… but you are so very talented, and from the looks of it, you’re doing an amazing job as a mommy as well! Don’t forget, all that matters is at the end of the night, they’re fed, clean, and feel loved! :)

My mom (my sweet sweet mom) and I are raising my nephews……two wild, dirty, messy, busy boys. They’re full of life and love and mischief and have put more joy in my life than I thought possible and certainly more than I deserve. What a blessing!!

The boys (monsters, as we call them :) ) are 5 and 6. 15 months apart. They have both lived with us since they were born. I get quite a few disapproving glances when we are out and they’re being rambunctious…..I often wonder if it’s the lack of wedding ring on my finger that makes people upset. It used to bother me so much; I don’t care anymore. I know our family different. That’s okay with me. We do the best we can to do the right thing for our boys.

Of course, some people are absolutely wonderful! One of my favorite memories is a trip to Chick-fil-a (healthy, I know :) ) and the boys were small….one was still in an infant seat (WHERE did those days go???). We were leaving and I had Max on my hip and Will’s seat under my elbow and my purse, our food, my drink and my keys. Hands full. As I was trying to open the door by walking backward through it a man jumped up to help me and held the door. When I told him thank you he smiled and said, “I’ve been there. No problem.” I will never forget that and because of him will always make an attempt to help someone with full hands.

Your kids are loved and you and your husband put them first. How lucky they are! You’re doing an amazing job and I know your little ones will always feel God’s love through you :). Well done!!!

I just want to hug you and be your best friend! I get it. My mom plight is a big gap… and I am tired of people referring to him as an ooops!

Although I am replying a tad late and you may never read this I felt the need to respond. I can relate… also a Mom to 4 (three boys and a girl… although slightly different order as our G is #3) I have heard each of the comment you did at the restaurant. Oh my… I felt your feelings & had to giggle at are those kids all yours and you are brave… usually my response is yes I am a lucky lady and to the latter comment no, just lucky. My hubby also works quite a bit and I have always taken the kids in tow with me everywhere… it is just how it is and like you it can be hard but wouldn’t have it any other way.

Thanks for sharing this.

Oh Emily, I feel like you read my mind and heart in this post! I have three precious boys and a sweet little girl, same age as yours. They are a blessing to me every single day and yet it is hard – the hardest – work. You have described a scene from every week of my life! I strongly believe that God has specifically given me kids with unique gifts/challenges that test me in ways He knows need refining. My eldest has always been my most energetic. As I have worked hard to teach him self control I have realized over and over that I too need to practice self control in so many ways. My second boy is the most patient person yet is also the slowest person I’ve ever met! What a great chance to practice my own patience. God has specifically given me these children with these gifts and challenges and I am so very thankful for them – and the crazy chaos that comes along with them!

this was so encouraging to me right now I needed to hear this…it made me feel human! My husband works 24s and sometimes 48s alot as a firefighter along with owning a sucessful metal fabrication business. I’m alone and on my own alot to, with two boys under 4. its hard and its stressful.” i get the whole are you going to try for a girl, im sure you would love to have one” Wether i had 15 boys or 15 girls i would still love them the same, of course we would love a girl on day, but that’s not our decision, it’s God and He gives us each child for a reason. My heart hurts for you, I hate when people are that way. But for what its worth i think your doing a great job!

To start with I’d like to say I’m not the type of person who leaves comments on blogs or anything for that matter, but this posting just happened to land on my screen today after an incident just yesterday .
I’m a mother of “just” two, both older now (19 &16,and still in need of parenting),but this didn’t speak to me at first about my own kids or myself being a mother but it spoke to me because of a comment both my 89 year old grandfather made and the same comment repeated later by my own mother referring to my cousin who has three small children and had come by for a visit ( my grandfather lives with my mother and her husband) They both said referring to my cousin “ I don’t know how she does it with three small kids” It could have been said with admiration being meant but no, they both meant it in a more judgemental way. My first response to my grandfather, whose own mother had six children all in quick succession as was the norm “back then”, was to say “well, she does it like all mother’s ,one day at a time” and left it that. But when my own mother repeated that again ( to my daughter since my mother and I are not on speaking terms) I just couldn’t help but to really start fuming. Because the truth of the matter is she does most of it alone! Her own mother isn’t healthy enough to help. Her father and step-mother from what I understand help as little as possible, though they help her step mothers daughters quite often. My own mother is the type of grandmother that my brother and call “hand off” rather than hands on. It just seems to me that our older generation today is spending more time shaking their heads than trying to get in there to make a difference.The saying “It takes a village to raise a child” is sadly disappearing because that village just keeps getting smaller and smaller.
I could go on forever but I guess I’ll just leave it at that.

This is a really amazing post that sums up how I feel to a T most days. It’s so refreshing to hear I’m not the only one that has these feelings. And you are right, we are all guilty of judging at times and it’s a good wake up call. Thanks for sharing!

This was such an uplifting post! I had a similar experience with my kiddos today and it’s just nice to know that other moms have the same struggles. Makes me want to be more intentional about encouraging other moms going through those “tough moments” with their kids. Thanks for being real and transparent with your feelings!

Bravo. I am a mother of four (twin boys, and 2 girls) and I got the “finally got your girl” comment countless times. You have to know that you ARE Doing area job, and your thesis of helping and encouraging other mothers has made me think. I will put that into practice. Keep up the good work.

I did it. I commented earlier that I might. Now my children will know…
http://thephillipsyjournals.blogspot.com/2012/02/thoughts-on-three.html
Best
Jennifer

I just read your post. I have 4 children – 3 boys and a girl as the youngest too. I totally understand everything you wrote so well in this post. If I had a dollar for every time I heard – you got your girl, you have your hands full, you’re brave, are all these kids yours? – I’d be rich. One time we were at church and #3 was being terrible. The other kids were squirmy too. Instead of leaving the church, we remained for the rest of the time, all the while corralling the misbehaving one. After church an old grumpy-looking man started to approach us, and I braced myself to hear what terrible parents we were. He told us that he just wanted to compliment us on dealing with our child and that we were doing the right thing. That meant so much to me. Keep up the good work with your beautiful family!

I hope I’ve never been that woman in pink, but most likely have chosen wrong words in the moment. It’s impossible, try as you might, to always empathize perfectly. And, sometimes a comment seems judgmental to the person receiving it when it wasn’t meant that way. I work with a lady who is frequently offended by remarks. I hear the same things at the same time and don’t understand why they hurt her feelings, when what I’m hearing comes across entirely differently. Sometimes someone just is having a bad day and what they say comes out harsher than they realize or they say things they think is helpful or kind that end up being perceived in exactly the opposite way. But your comments do remind me of those days with my 3 little ones (so long ago!) and I’ll do my best everyday to observe the wonderful Golden Rule.

Emily ~ You would blend right in here in Farmington, Utah :)
There are a ton of kids in my area.
My neighbor kiddie corner? …. 8 kids, The neighbor across the street -5 Next to her, 4. Behind me, 5. The kindergartener I pick up for carpool with my daughter is having baby #5.
I have 2 children, but the Lord and I are good! haha :)

Ahh, this is such a reality for me, as I sit here nearly 9 months pregnant, awaiting my 4th and final baby, my 4th boy. :) Can you imagine the looks of empathy I get when I’m out in public with my three little boys, and strangers ask what I’m having? After hearing that it’s another boy, I get that “look” & then most of the time, they say something like “oh, were you hoping for a girl?” Seriously people??? My response is that no, we were not trying for anything, but that we’re very excited to have a house full of boys! Would I have LOVED a daughter? Of course! But would I trade any of my amazing sons for one? Absolutely not! Cheers to all the big families out there, and especially to those with lots of, dare I say, crazy little boys!

I love you Emily. : )

Blessings on you sweet Emily! You are doing a job more eternally important than most on earth. You are making a difference; you are changing lives; you are modeling love and patience and grace and goodness; you are being the hands and feet of Jesus to your little ones! I have one kiddo and on many occasions I have had others tell me that he’d do better if he had a sibling, or ask when I’m going to have more, or how he’d be so much happier if he had a playmate. There are days when it takes all I have to not snap at them that I can’t have more thank you very much, and no, we’re not having more, and that he plays just fine by himself and doesn’t need another to entertain him. And, more than that I want to shout, he is enough! He is wanted and loved and a miracle among miracle children. Don’t judge me based on his behavior right this moment, don’t look at his disheveled head and comment that he needs a bath. Just look on us and encourage us; see what I see — the amazing, adventurous, exuberant dirt ball of joy that I am doing my best with. Head high sweet sister mama, head high.

Emily,

I think you are doing a great job. As a mother of 4- (yep first 3 are boys, and the youngest is my girl) I can totally relate to everything in your post. I have heard it all from strangers out in public, and if truth be told, also from judgmental family members who think you are out to populate the world on your own. Everyone has their own opinion and only the smart, properly raised and empathetic ones know enough to keep it to themselves. It is hurtful of others, and the truth is, the comments and judgement most likely won’t stop. But how we react to those comments says more about us as a people than any harmful thing others may say. And it speaks more to who they are as a person, than what they are trying to judge you for.
Like you, I took my children out to restaurants- even the fancy 4 star ones. Sure, we got some disdainful looks from other customers, and many times got seated at the back by the kitchen with other parents with small kids. But I can tell you one thing- my kids know how to act appropriately in public in all settings, and in all places. Getting them there was not always easy, but they got there. (Mine are now 23, 21, 18, & 16) I view parenting not as raising little kids, I view it as raising little adults- for that is the goal, isn’t is?! When it is time for them to spread their wings and leave the nest, they know how to manage themselves appropriately in life. They have empathy for others plights. They know how to think for themselves. They know when it is best to bite their tongue and not to judge others. Sure, they don’t always make the best choices, but they do know how to take responsibility for the choices they make.
You are doing a fine job- relish all the chaos, take advantage of those learning opportunities to help your kids grow as individuals and for yourself to grow as well. If there is anything my kids have taught me is to have more patience and in the belief that “this too shall pass”. They grow up quickly and you’ll miss all the noise and chaos!

People can be so insensitive–and just plain stupid sometimes. My parents had 7 girls and then 1 boy. They had always wanted 7 kids and were done and happy then. But they got a surprise a few years later and we have loved (and spoiled) him ever since. Nearly every time I explain our family dynamic to people, I have to answer the same question: did your parents keep trying for a boy? I think it is completely absurd. Besides, I have never really asked my parents about their intimate life and I really don’t want to think about it! Someone asked my friend the other day if her two boys had the same father (they do and look quite similar)! I guess some people are WAY more nervy than I could ever be. You are a great mother and you just remember that!

What a good reminder of how important our words are!!!!!
I might have been a pink sweatered lady before. Mind you, never with a tone (always with a big smile) but just making mindless (and now I realize, stupid) conversation in line.
As parents of three girls we were asked often if Harrison didn’t want a son (to carry on name watch football) but fortunately he would say, from the moment I walk in the door I feel like a king in my household why would I want someone to compete with and laugh it off.
Of those girls, we have a set of twins and there lay the most ground for hurt from other people. They would swarm the stroller and say how cute they were while my 4 y.o. just stood. there. We

Thanks you so much for sharing your heart. It was like I was reading my own journal ( except we have 2 boys , 2 and 4 with baby boy # 3 on the way ).
You are an inspiration to many and a great mom, I’m sure. Keep up the good work!

Oh how I get it! I too am a mother of four – two girls and two boys. I too have my children with me most of the time. Yes, it is hard. Yes, it is exhausting. Yes, it would be easier to drive through that drive-through or stock my freezer with frozen pizzas. Yes, it would be easier to leave those pants unironed or that bed unmade. But I don’t…I love being a mother to four precious little ones. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but it is hard and everyone you meet seems to have a comment to share. I try to just smile. When it is just the boys and the baby and people comment on my having my hands full, the boys love to tell them that there is one more and she is at school. I love it when they do that because yes my hands are full but they are full of gifts from God. What a blessing to be a mother of four precious healthy little ones. You are amazing and I hope you know it!

Thank you Emily for sharing this. I don’t currently have children, but my husband and I would like a big family of 3-4 children like you. Your words have encouraged me and I appreciate you for that. I read your blog because you are human. You are extremely creative and talented, but you are a Christian, wife, mother and entrepreneur all wrapped up into one and you are human. You show us who you really are, faults and all. That motivates me. And we all need encouragement and motivation from each other to get through this thing called life. May God bless you and your family :)

You know, I almost wrote this the other day. I have 3 boys. Rowdy, wild, restless, loving, smart, rambuctious, raw, energentic, sweet boys. I would not give them up for a thing in this world. Including a girl. I’d love to have 1 more baby (hubs is against it 100%). But you know what? If it were 4 boys, I would be ok with THAT. I love them. I cherish them. They exasperate me, tire me, frustrate me and love me. God knew what he was doing when he gave them to ME. I hate when people say “bless your heart” or “you were trying for that girl, weren’t you?” Actually no. I wasn’t trying any of the times God gave them to me. I’m just that lucky. And that’s what I tell them.

You’re doing great. Who cares what anyone thinks?!? Enjoy them. Love them. Laugh with them and at their antics. Embrace the chaos and to heck with anyone that doesn’t get it. THEY’RE missing out.

dear emily,

1st of all, mind me for my english as i come from malaysia n english is not my mother-tongue. i adore u so much n thanks to u, ur story enlighten me about motherhood.. i almost give up with parenting. i had 2 boys (4 & 3 yrs old) which i had when i was 22. being young mother really challnge me as i still have the urge to have fun n do things i still havent achieve.. i put aside my interest in pursuing research studies, my hobbies n my job as well just bcos i tot i want to raise them myself. but in the end, it didnt quit turn on well,.. they really push my buttons, n sometimes i could find the answer why did god give them to me. but of cos, I LOVE THEM. just when things like this happen, i started to questions when i believe i should pray that god give me more strength.

ur statement from the “speaker”, really hit me. yes, i certainly can be complete w/out them but when they are not around, my life will get totally mess up..

now n then i felt the same way as u when we faced those challenging moments of lunch time at the restaurant, the weiling, the catch-me-if-u-can thing, n more. but seriously, god has directed me to read this thread n found that im not all alone and have found the answer.

thanks n all the best!

Thank you so much for sharing this. I love your honestly, your humility and your Godly perspective. I really needed to hear that other people struggle with this thing called motherhood at times too. I love being a mom, I think it is the best thing I have ever accomplished and I know God blessed me by giving me my sweet little girl right when He did but there are days that I am exhausted and wonder if I’m really cut out for the job. I see so many other moms who seem so amazing at what they do and it makes me question if I’m good enough. My husband is deployed right now. I never complain about this, often I never even tell people he is deployed. He is making the biggest sacrifice and I just feel blessed that he is working so hard for our family. But sometimes when I’m in a store and my girl is crying and people give me the kind of rude comments and looks that “pink sweater lady” gave you I am just stretched to my limit. I just want to tell them I don’t have an option to have my husband watch her on weekends and I’m stationed on an island far away from family who can watch her for an hour when I need a break. I’m doing the best I can at being a 24/7 mom for Pete sake! LOL Anyway, sorry to rant. Needless to say, I can relate to you and I am so thankful you shared this post. After the day I have had I really needed to read this. I know you are a wonderful talented mother and even though I have never met you personally I can confidently say that I know you are the mother and wife God recognizes in Proverbs 31. Keep up the good work girl!

I so appreciate your post and I’m sorry to hear of sweater lady’s poor manners. I am up feeding our fourth sweet little one, Gentry–just 11days old!–and we have two other dear daughters, ages 4 and 3, and a happy little guy, age 18 months. You and many other mothers can imagine the comments we have received–from the usual to one man who approached me while filling up our SUV and exclaimed (sincerely, unfortunately!) that the cost of gas ought to teach us not to have so many children…! (As if the cost of gas is the great expense!) The bottom line is that we (as with so many families) love our children. We think they are worthwhile, and have chosen to spend ourselves in raising them because they are valuable. I am afraid that our culture is increasingly devaluing these little ones, but to us their care and instruction is one of the greatest–and hardest–things we are called to do. I have also experienced sincere kindness and thoughtfulness from strangers–everything from a thoughtful word to returning my shopping cart for me, to holding the door for our double stroller. I hope and intend to extend the same graciousness to others as often as I may. Blessings to you and your sweet family, and keep up the good work.

God Bless you! We had 4 boys in a row, and then two girls in a row. We’ve got 6 kids total ages 9 ,8, 7, 5, 3, and 1. Some people can be so nice, others just stare or say stupid things. I am so done with it though, and I can’t stand for my kids to hear some of the dumb comments. The other day a guy told me, “WE can ONLY handle 2, we don’t want anymore!” (As if I had asked him!), to which I said, “Wow! I’m so sorry your kids are THAT bad that you don’t want anymore!” ;) and I walked away and left him with his mouth wide open. I usually just smile or say, “They are such a blessing”, but sometimes the naughty side comes out and I get a good giggle out of saying something back! ;) Just know, you’re not alone, and none of us are perfect! I am trying my best, Lord knows, and also asking God to help me some days doesn’t hurt either! :) Take Care!

I have 3 kids and my hubby works long hours so the 4 of us are often on our own running errands, grocery shopping, soccer shoe shopping, going to the Dr.’s to get shots and just doing life. I can’t tell you how many people ask me if all those kids are mine! Yes, all 3 are mine! But, I share them with my hubby! :) Makes me laugh! I’ve had my share of discouraging, superior, judgemental moments and that I wish I could just disappear. The last time all three were totally acting crazy was at the post office and it was mind blowing how they were acting! My daughter and my son were literally wrestling on the ground and I could not break them up! My youngest was trying to remove every single greeting card from the display! I was five shades of red! There was a 50ish old gentleman staring my 3 ring circus down while in line behind us…I could feel his annoyance at my kids behavior and my lack of control. I finally blurted out I’m doing my best…I’m so sorry today is a very off day for all 4 of us! :) He just started laughing! :) I felt the tension release from my shoulders! At least he had humor! :)

Here is a public thank you for the grace I experienced

I’d like to thank the Walgreen employee that told my 2 year old in the middle of a mega fit while dropping his fleece and refusing to pick it up off the store floor that he knew a little puppy that would love my son’s fleece. My defiant and grumpy 2 year old was caught off guard and quickly picked up his fleece and stopped his mega fit. The Walgreens guy was my hero that day he offered a distraction and called my 2 year olds bluff! ! I winked and whispered thank you! :)

This parenting thing is amazingly precious and terribly hard! :)

~ Ali

I may not have walked a mile in your shoes, but I can relate a bit. I have two boys, 2 and 6. They are very active to say the least. I am constantly getting comments from strangers on how I need to keep trying for a girl. I find it so insulting. What ever happened to counting your blessings for healthy children? I think that because I am a woman it is a normal, natural feeling to want to have a girl, however I love my boys and wouldn’t change a thing about my life. I just find it incredibly insulting that people feel the need to comment in front of my kids too. My reaction is pretty much the same as yours. I smile and give some “Oh I have all I can handle right now”, but it is hurtful. Thank you for being honest and posting this. And if it is worth anything, I think you are an amazing mom…that’s one of the many reasons I read your blog!

Emily, I loved the reality and vulnerability of your post today. As a mom of three boys, we’re asked all the time if we’re going to try for a girl, so I completely appreciate your frustration with the pink sweater lady’s question! Thanks for being honest in the midst of the frustrations of life; its refreshing. God definitely uses our kids to grow us into the adults he wants us to be!

Keep up the great parenting!

Oh, Emily – I can so understand how you feel – even though my four are 18, 21, 23, and 27!!! There were many days I felt overwhelmed and under-equipped to be their mother but they’ve turned out to be great adults and I’m proud of them for succeeding despite my efforts.. LOL!! :) Hang in there – I genuinely believe people mean well but don’t even think about what they’re saying or how it could be taken. I had my girl first and THEN three boys (piece of cake compared to a girl, in my humble opinion, even though I love them all!!)

Just hang in there, do what you’re doing and thanks for the reminder to all of us on what helps!! :) Enjoy your day!!

What a wonderful and honest post! I love reading posts like this, that aren’t all sugar coated and life.is.wonderful.all.of.the.time. Those blogs just make me feel bad about myself.

I have two boys and am asked all of the time if we are going to try for a girl. NO, we will however try for a healthy baby. That question just makes me feel like in other’s eyes my boys aren’t good enough. Sad.

Thanks for speaking truth and honesty. We moms need that.

amen amen amen!! As a mom of 2 boys followed by a daughter, I do find the comment on “finally getting your girl” offensive. glory…i would have been happy with a house full of boys…althought i do love my daughter. I am afraid I would not have been able to keep my mouth shut on that one…you are better than me on that. Or maybe I would have just say…”No, that wasn’t it. We just like sex.” That might have stopped her right there into not saying anything else!
Let me just say that it WILL get easier (at least I think it does).
You are doing a great job I know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hang in there, Mama! Thanks for taking the time to encourage the rest of us moms, and for all you do to make our lives more beautiful every week. You are appreciated!

Thank you for this post! I am the oldest of 4 – my parents had their “miracle baby” when I was 18 years old. They thought it was too late to have 4 kids and were delighted when they found out they were expecting. The sibs were all excited as well! Being a senior in high school with a newborn sister, I often found comments being made where people were asking if she was a mistake or if she was a wanted child. I never knew what to say. I wanted to yell at them and tell them that no child should be thought of or told that they were a mistake.

Flash forward 9 years and I’m still getting the same reaction when people ask for the ages of my siblings. Now, I just smile sweetly and tell her that our family was incomplete before she came along and we didn’t realize what was missing. They usually don’t have anything to say after that. And I remind myself that every one of my siblings is such a blessing and a joy in my life and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

AMEN!!!

Julia
(Mother of four and if I weren’t so old I would love to have more!)

Amen! Thanks for the sincere post. Your honesty is refreshing!

Emily I am so sorry you met up with that Pink sweatered lady. I am quite a bit older all my boys, yes, all three of them are now grown men. I still get the comments about you finally got your girl, since I now have one granddaughter. I politely say No actually she belongs to her Mommy and Daddy. In the 1950s you had the perfect family if you had a boy first, of course, a girl,a dog and a car!! As long as everything looked perfect to onlookers that is all that mattered. Unfortunately it created a whole generation of onlookers that are judgemental in the sense of how things appear.
Now, with that being said, you know you are a good Mommy and you have young children that are learning how to behave and you are teaching them that. Just love them through it, try to spend 10 min. a day giving them undivided attention, they only need a little and you will be amazed at how much better the day will go. Of course I am saying this in hindsight, I am not saying I did this. It is just a lesson my grandchildren have taught me. As you said so beautifully, our children teach us how to become better people.
Lastly, it will get easier i some ways and harder in others, but you and they will survive, I promise and you will look back at these days and grin sweetly to yourself!! Sweet sweet memories,
Kathysue mother of three sons and now grandmother of two Grandsons and one Granddaughter. Life is pretty sweet!! I must say! ♥

What a WONDERFUL post.
I cried…because as a mother, I get it.
I get every single word and have felt every single emotion you so beautifully described.

Your kids are fortunate to have such a wonderful mother and there should be no judgement passed on…but unfortunatly there always is someone.

Remember the great things you do, even the simplest of things. On the worst of my mommy-days I think to myself “at least they started their day with clean undies and clothes on” and then I feel not as bad :o)

All I can say to this is AMEN! I only have two kids so I can only imagine but when I go somewhere with them it means a lot when people smile at us even when they are acting crazy (which is most of the time). Sometimes I feel as moms we have the weight of the world on our shoulders (especially when we are with the kids 24/7). I have a hard enough time making everyday decisions without someone else’s criticism. At the end of the day all I have to ask myself is are they happy, to me as long as they are and they know that I love them then I must be doing something right. There are more moms out there that can sympathize with you than there are hot-pink sweaters ;)

What a wonderfully well written heart felt post you’ve shared. Obviously from the amount of comments garnered it resonated deeply in your readership and was needed to be shared. What a gift you’ve shared here and you thought you were just venting…. You also were teaching…. And fortunately and unfortunately I have to admit and ask sad to confess, that there have been times in my l life that I unknowingly have worn ‘that pink sweater’ and was that lady with comments about the ‘finally got your girl’, and unknowingly and now I have been made aware through your post insensitively said things I should off left unsaid. As hard add this is to admit… Thank you for being an instrument of God to open my eyes, to point us this to me, and for making me aware of how hurtful this may be to Moms and/or kids. How silly it now seems that I wouldn’t of figured this out on my own. I guess this is just one more example of Gods grace and how He’s working in each of out lives to make us more what he would want us to be. I am usually the helpful person, but realize now that what I considered friendly talk and/or comments can indeed be hurtful not only to the struggling Mom, but also to her precious childerns spirits. Thanks for sharing…

I have been loving that song by Andy Grammer lately, “Keep Your Head Up”. I don’t listen to music ever and somehow that song caught my ear and heart. I send it to you today along with a prayer for you and thanks to God for giving moms who love, like you, strength, courage, and the grace to go on. We’re all here for you, Emily.

This is a wonderful post and one that I can definitely relate to. We have four kids (three boys and one girl) and my husband is a firefighter (works 24 hour shifts). Our kids are 11, 13, 15, and 18. I cannot tell you how many comments I have heard over the years – everything from “I bet your girl is spoiled rotten” to “don’t you know what causes THAT?” to “you sure have your hands full”, etc. It’s amazing how some people just spout off comments that are so rude and insensitive. Having four kids can be crazy, chaotic, noisy (so noisy!) and hectic…but you are right, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Well nearing 300 comments, maybe you don’t need mine ;) ha but I just wanted to echo what you said about helping & encouraging. I still remember those who go out of their way to be helpful or say something encouraging. I still remember 2 years ago getting off a plane (with then, only two children – I also have four now :) ) with our oldest two and feeling a bit frazzled, exhausted, overwhelmed – you name it. The nicest older gentleman came out of nowhere (it felt like to me) and said, “you know, you’re doing a great job” I could have cried. Right then & there. And I think he knew it. He just smiled & walked on to his destination. But it helped me realize that we were okay. And I was doing a great job. As difficult as it was.

BTW, I now have four. The oldest just turned six (as in last week) and our youngests are 8 mo old twins. :) So believe me, if anyone understands this post, it’s me! haha ;)

You’re doing a great job. Keep it up.

Oh Emily how I could hug you! As a mom of five and constantly feeling overwhelmed I echo your words! Yesterday I sat with my children at church in front of an older couple I was so nervous that my children would be a distraction to them..I was pleasantly surprised when at the end of the meeting they got up and complimented me on how well behaved they were..angels were singing!! It made going to church all the better!

i just wrote on the job of being a mom yesterday… i think it is in the air. :)

my favorite part: “You don’t need them to be complete. But once you have them, you can’t imagine being complete without them.”

i really do feel that way. God has used my kids so much to shape and refine me and i appreciate the people who encourage me, even in sappy sentimental ways, about motherhood because there are far too many who feel free to make demeaning comments about kids, moms, and large families.

i get asked often about this 5th pregnancy and what i am having… when i say boy (our 5th now!) so many people say, “that is why i stopped at 2!” i try to be understanding and smile, but it does make me sad that kids aren’t valued and having many, even of the same gender, is seen as a negative thing.

good job emily with being a mom – it is very hard. bill’s schedule is a crazy one, but he does end up home a lot of beneficial hours to help with our boys and i really think 24 hours at a time alone is so hard and wouldn’t want to trade our busy life for that… you do a great job and it is tough a lot of times, but so worth it.

my recent post: the highest calling

Thank you for saying out loud what all of feel and experience whether it be two or twelve kids. Those who comment like the pink shirt lady have forgotten what it’s like.

A few months ago I was in church with my two girls by myself and my youngest was acting up so I held her. And the in the middle of the liturgy I just thought, this beautiful, trying, frustrating, smart little girl embodies everything wonderful about life and God. In that moment I was holding Him and her and so filled with love and adoration.

My littlest tries me more than my older daughter, but I find when I’m at my worst I go back to that peaceful moment with her in my arms.

Take a deep breath, get it out, and think about how wonderfully lucky you are. They’re all yours and they get to share in this life with you.

Wht a blessing your comment was! I have four too,! Wouldn’t want to trade it for anything,but the freedom it brought to see others have a tough time too! Blessings to you.

For some reason your post made me cry. I have four boys and feel that way often when I take them to a store. They are 7, 4, and two year old twins. I love my little guys and don’t really like to hear people ask if we are going to “try” for a girl. Yeah they make me crazy and yes they act up sometimes, usually in front of my mother in law. How do they have radar for that? They are such blessings and I wouldn’t trade them for the world, or a quiet morning sipping coffee and watching chick-flicks.

i cried when I read this post…this is my life, too! I have 2 boys– my youngest (Ryan) has ADHD, so it sometimes feels like I have 4!!. He is the sweetest child, but also the wildest! He embarrasses me every single place we go, and unfortunately I often snap at him when my appearance is threatened ( I am such a worrier about what others think of me). We always get “those” looks…you know- the “she cannot control her child” looks. I’m trying really hard to be patient with him and not worry so much about those judgemental folks I encounter. Having Ryan has taught me so much…it really humbles you to have a child that is somewhat different in any way. I am also an elementary teacher and having Ryan has impacted the way I treat my students. Thanks for challenging others to provide positive encouragement to those in the trenches…it truly does mean so much!!

You’re doing great! As a mother of grown, left-the-nest, adult children, I envy this time for you. You will remember these times with great fondness and when you really “like” your kids as adults, see that they’ve grown to be productive members of society and they actually “like” hanging out with you, you’ll look back remember all of these difficult days (and there will be many) and you’ll smile. I love when my kids now tell me that they had a great childhood. That we weren’t too strict. They really do grow up too fast. Enjoy them. Learn from them. Love them. Regardless of those that might have something else to say.
Cheers to you!

Oh, Emily…how your story resonates deeply in my heart. I, too, am the mom of three boys and the “oh, you finally got your girl” as #4. They are 8, 6, 4, and almost 2 respectively. I’ve recently finished a fabulous, SHORT book called Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches. It is a fast read & filled with Godly & wise tidbits for mothers of young ones. Hope you have time to read it – I think it would really bless you.

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I also have four kids and feel the same way you do when people feel the need to put in their “two cents”. It is so disheartening and makes you feel like a failure as a parent in those moments (I think I may have run into the same pink-sweater lady before). My kids are not perfect but they are mine. I am doing the best I can and by God’s grace, we make it through each day. It may be with runny noses, mismatched clothing, an absence of manners, temper tantrum-filled and exhausting, but like you, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I am so blessed by the fact that God allowed me the privilege to know my children and watch each moment as they become the wonderful people God has created them to be. I hope that you will find encouragement as a Mom and remind yourself everyday that to be called “Mom” is the greatest blessing there is!!

I can totally understand you feeling picked on about your parenting by pink sweater but i think her attitude toward little boys was more offensive than anything else. I have 2 boys and my baby girl is due any day. I am excited for her but I LOVE my boys and would have been fine with FOUR boys {which is how many kids I want!}. I come from a family of 6 kids and 4 were boys. Yes they were always rough housing and being rowdy, and so are my own boys, but I wouldn’t change them for the world. That’s how God MADE little boys! As embarrassing as it may be in public sometimes. And how terrible for your sons if they would have overheard and understood what pink sweater said. :( Raising little boys up to be GOOD MEN is a huge {and extremely important} job and mothers definitely need all the encouragement they can get. Not snide comments in a restaurant line when you and your kids may not be at your best at the moment.

“Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.” Psalms 127:3-5 (NIV 1984)

Good job, Mama.

It bothers me so much when people say they kept trying until they got a girl (or boy if the case may be) so glad there’s someone out there who agrees with me that whatever God decided to bless us with is “enough” and perfect regardless if all my kids were the same sex. Well said!!

Well said. I TOTALLY “got” your perspective. Having 4 is wonderful, but everything is magnified…the clothes, the yucky behaviors, the decisions, and the attitudes. I really have to change my perspective everyday. I have a consciously think about the wonderful plan God has for me. And that is so hard in the midst of the noise! I love that you said we are refined by being a mother. So true! Refined by fire!

The Lord must have known I needed that too :) It’s great to know we’re all in this together. I have three born in less than five years and I, too, was once asked if they were all “mine.” I think my [old] lady was a cousin to your pink sweater lady! Thanks for the perspective on mothering…Just what a mommy needed today :)

I really needed this post today! I am constantly reading my friends blogs about how cute and perfect their kids are and how perfect they are as moms and I feel so deflated…it helps to know that I am not alone in not always feeling like the perfect mom to perfect children. Being a mom of two boys, who more often than not do not act perfect, who I feel embarrased by daily, but who I also need to take a lesson from! I have had some wonderful people help me out in public when I am struggling and it really makes all the difference! Thank you for your post, helping us regular moms who are just trying our best to not feel alone in a world with people who do not always “get it.”

Your day yesterday was my day today. Motherhood is so hard without the negative attitudes from complete strangers, many of them women who should know better and show some compassion and empathy. Thank you for your post. Since reading it I have handed my three children to my husband, locked myself down in the basement with the computer and an adult beverage for my dinner.

Cheers, Laura

Thank you Emily! I’m glad I’m not alone out there. Keep up your great work!! ” )

AMEM, sister. you made me cry….
All your words were so true and beautiful.
Keep up the awesome job you do every day with your kids.

AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!

Hi, Emily, i haven’t gotten to know you that well in blogland, but love your work and seeing all the beautiful things you do. This is such a well written, from the heart post and I so admire your courage to share it. I am not a mom, but I can imagine it’s the hardest job in the world. It sounds to me like you are doing a lovely job with your kids and are a wonderful mom. Kudos for sharing this post and all that it means to all the other moms out there. I’m going to be more aware of being supportive of moms I see out there having a hard time of it. I know you are all doing the very best that you can.

Thank you Emily! As a mother of three who feels like I am failing sometimes…your story brought tears to my eyes because I feel the same way. We just have to try to do the best we can and keep getting better. Thank you!

I am a mom of 4 kids (3 daughters, 1 son); 2 biological, 2 adopted. I know about the rude, unhelpful comments and your post struck a cord. People always commented that I must have gotten pregnant after adopting (WRONG) and asked rude, intrusive questions (do you love them the same? Well, duh!) .
I am not talking always about strangers, but about close family friends. One could not understand why I would also send my adopted kids to private school.
It was unreal. Needless to say, that friendship cooled.
I try hard to always complement a mom on her kids; even when they are acting rambunctious. It is usually a child being exactly that . . . a child. Be grateful your child can be rambunctious, can move his jab his elbow into his sibs, can eat all the chips. Think of all the kids who can’t. (I am a peds nurse).

thank you for being so honest! I have 2 boys, 14 and 6. when in public, we have been asked, in front of them!, if our older son is mine or my husbands, if we adopted our younger son & if he has something wrong with him (he is small for his age and has some health issues but you can’t see them), if we had fertility issues since they are so spread out, if i wanted a girl since i have 2 boys, etc, etc, etc.
It angers me how rude and nosey people can be sometimes! But you handled her well! maybe next time she will help instead of give people her 2 cents!

HERE, HERE!!!!!!! Wonderful. Perfect. Exactly what my life looks like!!!!! Being a Mommy of three little boys is HANDS DOWN the HARDEST THING I’ve ever done!!!! I purposefully don’t take my kids out in public by myself, because of people like the woman in the pink sweater! I feel so on edge most days, I’m pretty sure I would either cry if someone said something to me…or else go totally ballistic and rip into them! You ARE brave for taking them out in public like you do!!!! And you’ve inspired me to SUCK IT UP and take them places by myself! Who cares what everyone else is thinking?! I can DO THIS! Excuse me now, while I go put my BIG GIRL panties on! =) Thank you so much for your honesty!!!!

I don’t know why but I started crying while reading this post! I guess it’s because it’s so nice to read about someone else experiencing the same things! I only have 2 boys but we’d like 4 kids (boys or girls…like you we just want 4 and whatever God gives us we will be thankful for!). I hear all the time….”are you going to try for a girl?” I LOVE my boys! A girl may be nice one day but I just want 4 kids:) We really struggled to have babies (lost 3 along the way) and I want to tell people that I just thankful I even have kids at all. Who cares what they are! haha
My husband coaches basketball so for 3 months I’m basically a single mom. He’s away at games or staying late after work for practice. I’ve definitely had those days lately when my boys (1 and 3) aren’t getting along or acting like the perfect little angels I would hope for in public. The stress and frustration can really get to me at times and make me feel like a bad mom. Your post was just the boost of mommy power I needed to help get me through these last few weeks of basketball season! I love that you’re so real and honest about your life:)

Thank you for writing this, it was wonderful and refreshing to read. As the oldest of four in my family I can relate to rude comments about the size of my family and my mom being “brave”. It started out just being frustrating for my mom, but then as all of us siblings grew up we would hear and understand the comments, but I think it made us stronger and a tighter knit family :)

Awesome sharing your feelings and thoughts with “on being a mother of four.”

It hurts when people judge/assume without knowing the whole picture. You can have one child and parenting is not perfect. Having multiple children is more demanding. Different developmental ages and stages along with different and unique personalities. Every family is different. You have good days where almost everything is going with the flow. Then there are days were everyone is going in a different direction. My eyes fillied with tears as I read your blog. I am a mother of multiple children and I do 99% of the work with the children, activities, errands, duties outside and inside the home. Children are a blessing and I learn so much from them. A loving and caring family (no matter how crazy or off track it may get) knowing that I am fulfilling my children’s needs is all that matters in the end.

Sounds like you have a “community” here (it may not be in your town or city) but it looks like you have alot of inspirational, I feel the same way posts. Give yourself a pat on the back and go give your children and husband a hug. Thank you for sharing.

Jessica

Thanks for the encouraging post :) Kids are a beautiful blessing and I sure don’t know what on earth I’d do without my two kiddos.. but they can be quite a challenge too!! Your post was right on track, And i really appreciated it!! My mom had 6 kids and talking to a friend whos mom had the same we mentioned how maybe some people are just better at it.. or meant to have more. but I know that my mom DID struggle too… I think we are just more open about the challenges of motherhood these days… which is a good thing!! We can all help each other out!

Your post was so timely and real! I have two kids with a third on the way and this weekend we took them skiing. The trip had me asking myself how I was going to manage a 3rd. My 18 month old was too young to ski and being pregnant I couldn’t either so we hung out in the lodge. I still wanted her to experience the snow and watch her big brother and dad ski. I had the same challenges of her climbing all over the place and spilling food on the floor and tantrums when I wouldn’t let her eat the food that fell on the floor. And as expected she was challenging around nap time and we didn’t have many options for her. I tried to rock her/stroll her to sleep and I made a palette in the corner and eventually she fell asleep but not without throwing a few fits and crying out of exhaustion. I had several others annoyed with me which didn’t help because it was already pretty trying. What saved me from falling apart and having the information desk call my husband to help is some guy walking by saying how he remembered her age and he only wish he could go back to that. It made me snuggle her closely and smile.

I truly admire how together you come across. I admire your parenting, the way you talk about your family and your sense of style. You seem to balance family, work and your personal time in ways I only wish. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.

I am a stay-at-home mother of 2 little ones but let me tell you they have enough spunk, energy & attitude for 4. I get the nasty remarks from time to time.. I just ignore, look away or smile. I remember when my daughter was 11months & VERY active. She decided to take a flying leap off of our couch & smacked her face on the coffee table. I was terrified she broke her nose! We went to the doctor, it wasn’t broken but it sure looked BAD. Her face was black & blue for the next week & don’t you know how many people stared and told me that it is my job as a mom to protect my child & then they followed with “shame on you”. You don’t know what happened, you didn’t even bother to ask before you made such a judgmental statement… shame on you. There are all kinds out there.. I just keep my head up & try to do my best, hopefully it will all work out in the end. Keep your head up too, you are doing a fantastic job! ;o)

Oh, did that take me back! I am crying in sympathy because, even though my kids are grown, taking them out was sometimes insane.
And I admit I am guilty too, of looking irritatedly at a family whose kids are bouncing off the wall. Thanks for the reminder that I need to watch my judgmental side.
Honey, at least you are trying to show them the way. It seems so many parents don’t do that. Kids weren’t born knowing how to behave and there’s just so much cool stuff to investigate! I mean, really. Wouldn’t you, if you didn’t “know better” want to run down the aisles of the fabric store pulling fabric behind you? I think taking the kids out regularly helps to teach them to behave. I have one friend who never took her child out to a restaurant because she was afraid he would misbehave. How on earth is he supposed to learn otherwise?
You ARE doing a good job, And I promise, if I see you or another young mother out there struggling, I will be gentle with her.

Oh gosh. I know how you feel! I have 3. A 4 year old girl, 3 year old boy and a 6 month old girl. I try to make things fun for them and 90% of our trips to Target are a disaster. Target ladies look at me like I’m crazy as well as other moms, and it’s so incredibly discouraging to hear those rude comments, especially from strangers! When I hear a “you’re so brave” or “So, you’re done, right?” I just want to pop them and say, “I bet you get to clock out and take vacations from YOUR job, right? What if you didn’t? How would you feel?” Of course I don’t. I just ignore them. Anyway, I loved this post. It’s awesome to be reminded every once in a while that all of us mommas are in the same boat. And you’re right. I wouldn’t change it for anything. Here is a quote I have stumbled upon that I find incredibly encouraging as a stay at home mom:

“To be Queen Elizabeth in a definite area; deciding sales, banquets, labors an holidays; to be Whitely within a certain area, providing toys, boots, cakes, and books; to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology and hygiene; I can understand how this might exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it can narrow it. How can it be a large career to tell other peoples’ children about the rules of three, and a small career to tell ones own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone and narrow to be everything to someone? No, a woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute.” -G.K.Chesterston

Oh girl as I read this I am crying because I am in such a rough patch as a passionate mommy of two expecting number 3. I’m finally learning to ask for help and not (try not) to care as much about everything. I am relieved to hear that you are normal! Lol you are even more inspiring to me now after reading this. I get comments all the time now that I’m pregnant with my 3rd. “you guys never stop do you” “you guys need some space from each other jeez!” oh my goodness 3 is so hard aren’t you scared?” “you’re brave” “you have a boy and a girl, why in the world would you have more!”
I’m so sick of the comments. What happened to “if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.”? Thank you for this well articulated entry. It captures a bit of my broken and tired mommy soul right now. Children are a blessing. A huge one. I adore mine. All three and yes we want a number 4 someday also! Thanks again!

Since my girls are grown, thanks for the reminder to be on the look out for young Moms that I might be able to help in some small way….and I’ll never wear a hot pink sweater!

I have 2 girls and my 3rd is a boy. The number of times I (and definitely my husband) have heard “You got your boy, you (your husband!) must be thrilled!!” Yes, we are thrilled with our baby boy. He completes us. We can’t imagine life without him. Of course this is no longer applicable because we already have him, but…we would have been EQUALLY as thrilled with a 3rd girl. And it’s hard. I’m sweaty a lot of the time in public. But the alternative is sitting home all the time, and that’s not much fun.

I just found your blog, you have a gift! Keep up the great mothering and writing!

Good for you! I think it’s wonderful to take kids out to eat and out to eat in a variety of places – some should have real napkins instead of playgrounds.

I recently got some very obvious stares while out to dinner (Cracker Barrel) with my two kids. The guy was right behind me and kept completely turning around in his chair to stare at my son, who was hungry, and didn’t want to sit in a high chair. I wasn’t as good as you – I finally turned around in my chair and stared back at him until he turned back around. I was a little embarrassed but I wasn’t going to admit it. I’ll stick with my thoughts that if kids were supposed to quiet, God wouldn’t have made them so noisy…. and they’ll eventually learn to be quiet when they should and they’ll turn into teenagers that won’t talk around me at all way too soon.

I’ve come to a realization that it seems that people (or in my case, a certain relative) who are the most vocal about how other people’s children (yes, mine) behave are really very insecure about their own parenting and make themselves feel better by looking for the flaws in the people around them. So if that person complains that my kids are noisy and running around it really means that she wishes her kids weren’t so shy and timid. And I accept that my kids are wild and just sometimes secretly (inside my head) wish that they were a little more timid at times, not because someone else’s kids are better but because I just want mine to appreciate quiet time. But more than anything I just remember that all kids are different and I wouldn’t trade mine for anyone else!

My goodness! Emily, I might know you personally, but following your blog is a motivation for me. To be a better person, creative etc. Your post here brought tears to my eyes. I try to and STRIVE to be what I think is perfect. I only have two kids. The fact that you have four is a BLESSING! Our kids make us. They define us. They bring out the true being in us. I couldnt say it better myself in your description of people and their comments being condescending. Who knows what one is going through. You never know, but one should never judge. My husband and I were active duty and 9 pm shopping nights happened for groceries. Esp when Daddy is on a 6 month deployment and I work full time in the military as well. My son was literally tired and cried. We needed food and so I hung in there and held him as he cried. I knew he was tired. But a woman came over (from 3 aisles over) and said I need to control him. WHAT!!!! Excuse ME? I politely said he acts better than some adults I know.

May your post here bring light to the fact that we are all getting by the best we can. Only together can we become better. Become a community, a country and a world of informed, caring people that truly help each other and not talk before we think. And with that said, may we as mothers accept that perfection is NOT having everything together. Not being the most beautiful. It is in having a happy family and loving life that we find happiness.

Hi Emily, I just want to tell you I hear you sister! One thing is that you get to read all of these nice sweet comments to lift your spirits, that’s help straight from above ;) {encouragement is always welcome right?} I will say these situations are tough. I have 5 boys, including a set of quads, and it was tough getting every one of my kids here, and the oldest is a cancer survivor. No matter what I love my life even on the tough days as I know you do. It is very hard when you have one of these days, people are always saying all kinds of things to me that are incredibly rude, even multiple times while I am out, 3 or 4 pink sweater lady episodes in one store ;). My kids are adorable, usually well-behaved but they are kids, they are boys, and what you described is a lot like things here. So I just wanted to say I hear you and send you a kind hello, you are doing wonderful job (I know you don’t doubt that) but sometimes it is tough to deal with things that you don’t even solicit. I feel badly b/c some people just want to be so nice to tell me I am blessed, which I appreciate so very much, but I avoid making eye contact b/c it’s a 50/50 chance on whether it is going to be rude (in front of my 6 year old who understands a lot) or not. Thank you for posting this and making me feel normal ;) We all have our days and all I can say is I wish people would just simply open their mouths to moms to encourage. That’s all, it would make a world of difference ;) Hugs to you, Michelle

oh, my darling. the mama bear instinct in me is kicking in big-time and i want to go give the pink sweater lady a piece of my mind. and a piece of my fist. those are my precious grandchildren she was talking to! but alas, i will not. your style and your grace in the midst of the restaurant encounter was so you….you are a kind and gentle person and i am extraordinarily proud of you and all of who you are, as a mother and a young woman – just as i am of both of your sisters. in my profession, i regularly have encounters with children, which i love as you know. i get to regularly practice the art of being kind and encouraging to young mothers (and sometimes dads, too) traveling alone on the airplane with their little ones in tow. the glares and looks they receive from other passengers just noticing that they have more than one, or two – or more children is astounding! last week i greeted a man boarding the plane and asked him how he was doing. he barely returned my smile and said, “well, i WAS fine until now” – and jestured over towards one side of the plane where a woman was settling her two little ones into their seats – and he wasn’t even sitting anywhere near them! i just stared at him; i was dumfounded, yet shouldn’t have been because it happens all the time. unfortunately, most people don’t like children on airplanes…or in restaurants. yet these little people are our future! outside of work, i used to say what i think to those folks who are so judgemental, and even worse, would have a comment to ‘share’ with another young mother who seemed to be losing her grip when trying to deal with a wayard toddler. those weren’t my finest moments. but have learned (for the most part) to keep my tongue. instead, i get to try out my skills at being helpful (which is my job) but even more so, a calling in life. i try to practice the art of thinking twice and speaking once. the pink sweater lady is a good example of that. let’s go out on a limb and say that she didn’t mean to be judgemental – even cruel. but it’s a good lesson for all of us, especially when reading some of your followers comments today, that the things we say, even unwittingly, can be very hurtful. now that i’m a “woman of a certain age”, i can try to remember how difficult it was to raise three children, or imagine what it would be like to have more, and get myself and my inconveniences or opinions out of the way and simply have a smile and a kind word to give to a mother with her hands full. thanks to you and your readers’ comments, i can do better. you, my dear, are an outstanding mother. i love you.

Some people don’t have enough to do, so they fill their days with criticizing others. Keep your chin up–you’re doing a great job. As they grow older, you’ll face new challenges, but eating in a restaurant becomes much easier. My boys are 13 and 10 now, but I remember those days well–my husband worked shift work, so I always had my babies, usually by myself.

It really bugs me me when people talk about “trying for a girl”. I get that sometimes, but it cuts to the heart because I can’t have any more children, girl or boy. I had an emergency hysterectomy when my youngest was born. I’m okay with that–I’m just glad I survived–but I hate the hurt that “harmless small talk” can bring. I am blessed to have two children, but I know similar comments (You need to get busy!) can be very painful to childless couples dealing with infertility.

Over my mantle is a plaque that says, “Let your words be few and seasoned with grace.” Amen.

This post really spoke to me as a new mom and made me feel so much better. Coming from someone like you, whom I think is someone so well put together, has weight. I don’t feel all alone in this new journey of motherhood. So many of us walk around hiding our vulnerabilities and to put it out there takes courage. By putting out vulnerabilities publicly, as you did, you have an opportunity to reach people who may need some validation in knowing they are not alone in their feelings. I really appreciate your candid honesty on this topic because I feel this will help many moms out there. Today your blog transcended into more than a design forum for creative ideas and thoughts. You’re helping people; you helped me.

Thank you so much for your honesty, and sharing your feelings with the “world”.
I look at your website and your beautifully put together home and photos of the amazing projects you design and you are sort of on a pedestal for me, “a perfectly put together artist”.
I sincerely appreciate you exposing your humanity and fragility. I too am a mother of young children and I know exactly how you feel. I love my children and would not trade my life for anything. Sometimes I am embarrassed and people are sort of rude. Sometimes I break down and feel like I am not being the best mother I could be. I get through it though by asking for help from my higher power and being gentle with myself. We are not perfect but we can always start over. Thank you so for sharing this wonderful post I truly appreciate you and your work.

Blessings to you and your wonderful family. We wanted at least (3) children. God had other plans. He gave us a girl and then a boy. So ok, we had one of each and we felt blessed. That was many years ago. Then God had other plans, when our daughter was 56, He took her home to heaven. Now we have just our son and his family.

Do not ever apologize to anyone on having (4) children. I am from a family of (9) and would not trade my childhood for anything in the world. We grew up learning respect, common sense, love one another and so much more.

I just love reading your blogs.

Pat

Thank you for your beautiful and honest post! My husband and I also hope to have 4 kids (if it all works out), having grown up with one sibling each and very small, scattered extended families. I am pregnant with #2. Our first is a girl and we just found out we are having a little boy. I can’t even count the number of people— both strangers, casual aquaintances, and close friends, who have exclaimed “Great, one of each, you’re done!” I usually just smile and say nothing, but inside I always ask, “What gives you the right to decide or comment upon our family choices?”
Too many people simply do not think about their comments or do not know how to be kind and helpful to young families.
Keep up the beautiful and lovely work– both with your company and with your family.

Hi! I just want you to know that I LOVE this blog post. It really hit home for me. I just returned from a trip to Costco, Target, a pizza place and a neighborhood toy store with my three little boys (5,4 and 2). It was exhausting to say the least but I am like you my husband is gone a lot and travels quite often. I am not going to sit at home and not take my kids out to eat, run errands and all of that stuff that needs to be done. My kids act crazy, misbehave, but they also can be really good! It is always frustrates me when someone says “you are so brave” while referring to me having all my kids with me! What else do they expect?

I think you seem like an amazing mom! I absolutely love your beautiful blog. Keep up the great work!! We moms need to stick together! Boo to the lady in the hot pink sweater!

Amen sister!!! I only have one child (so far) and I feel you… life IS harder with children but also so full! You’re doing a wonderful job… we have to learn to ignore the pink sweater ladies out there and listen to those who support and build us up. Thanks for the wonderful post, it’s encouraging just know that there are other mothers out there who have a hard day once in a while too. BTW, I also have a Brady. :)

I get this 99%. I have 4 sons!

I’m sorry you were having a ‘down’ moment. Your article couldn’t have come at a better time as I’ve been having a pity party for myself this morning, which started last night.
I think just as a person in general, we have times when we feel unappreciated. I don’t expect anyone to go around “slapping me on the back” and saying “good job today Leslie”, but a gesture from someone who goes out of their way to give it, means A LOT.
You are definitely appreciated. When I’m feeling sorry for myself or think I’m not doing a good enough job as a wife and mother, I read your blog. I only have one child, but there are days when that one child seems like five.
Because of religious reasons, my dh has gotten away from celebrating pagan holidays…..which includes Valentines day. Okay, no biggie. This is not something I ever get, so I requested last night that I wanted a box of chocolates in a heart shaped box……..to which he immediately responds with how society isn’t going to coerce him into celebrating a pagan holiday if he chooses not to. NOT the response that was needed at that moment. As I explained to him, due to our circumstances, our marriage seems to contain “moments” of goodness and happiness versus the happiness I use to feel all the time. It only takes a split second to ruin that moment. I explained that I wasn’t asking him to get me a gift on Valentines Day, I was just suggesting something I would like to have and he could get it for me at a time that was reasonable for him.
So I completely understand your moments and how you would have felt during the pink-sweater-lady episode.
My life completely changed when I had my daughter. I no longer work outside the home…(I miss my outside job)….I don’t have the friends I use to have…(I miss having people to hang out with)…..I’m on my own more than I use to be….(my dh works a lot and when he’s not working his job, he’s working on home projects or spending time at the hunting camp)…..and sometimes my 5 yr old can make my days seem really hard. But she is my daughter and I love her to pieces.
Thank you for being an inspiration to the rest of us and hopefully our support and comments here can be an inspiration to you as well.

Love, love, love this. Thank you for sharing your heart, and in your frusteration, helping so many of the rest of us!! What a blessing you are to those four lucky little people…

I don’t think there is a mom out there who would not thank you for journaling this post. I certainly thank you.

Judgement is up. Help is down. These are hard days to be a momma. Fortunately, we have been blessed with an online community of encouragers.

I am thankful for you today. For you, sweet friend, today:

“So, Encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are doing” – 1 Thess. 5:11

I am not a mother and while I have chosen not to become one, I have a deep respect for those who choose to do the extremely hard work of motherhood. It’s so easy to judge someone else and assume you know their situation based on a single moment in a crowded restaurant or post office line. Your letter has reminded me to have more compassion and to try to be one of those helpful souls instead of a judgmental one.

It’s breathtaking the things that complete strangers feel they have the right to say. I am the oldest of 8 siblings and we often got the “Are all THESE YOURS??”. How my mom kept from biting people’s heads off, I’ll never know.

AMEN SISTER!!! I could write a book about ugly things people have said to me. Praise the Lord we have 4 children too. I’m ashamed to say, only because it was God’s plan. Number 3 and 4 were supposed to just be 3. Yeah, we got twins and oh did this hyper structured momma get a wide awakening!!! God so has a sense of humor!!! At least in my case, I didn’t truly realize that children really are a blessing from the Lord until He put me in a position where there was no more time for me and my selfish ambitions. Now I truly wish I had had 8 to 10! Oh, and guess what, God also called us to homeschool!!! Yeah, He’s funny and yes, there are days, many days, when I want to run away and hide but I can’t imagine one moment of a single day not living this life. In all it’s craziness, stress, and messiness these kids are the love of my life. So, to all those pink sweater wearing kid nazi’s out there
*Yes, they are all mine…it’s ONLY 4

*No, I don’t collect children ( yeah can you believe someone said that?) There are only 4

*No, I’m not having a family reunion at the deli counter … There are only 4

* No, I didn’t finally get my boy! God blessed me with 4 precious treasures 3 girls and 1 boy!!!

*No, My kids aren’t well behaved just because I have 3 girls and only one boy. The same rules of behavior apply to boys and girls and my husband and I have worked our rears off teaching them how to be well behaved, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

Thanks for sharing your heart. It is a real encouragement to know it’s not just me that runs into “pink sweater kid nazi’s”!!! Hang in there and go curl up with those sweet babies and treasure each and every moment of it!!! Because CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING FROM THE LORD!!!

Thank you Emily for being real! I have half as many children as you do and today especially I needed that “realness”. God bless you and your 4 wonderful children, I will be praying for you.

So well said. My baby is 6 and I have almost forgotten how exausting a trip to the grocery store could be.

Dear Emily,
Thank you for sharing this with all of us tired moms. I just had our fourth and our oldest is a 4 year old boy. My ‘pink-sweater lady’ is my Mother-in-law. Just recently, while they were here to help she encouraged me to be more productive so I wouldn’t be so stressed. Somehow I thought that just getting all the kids dressed, fed, and through the day was productive at this stage.
Anyway, thank you for the encouragement. It is good to know that there are others out there that are striving to be the best mom that they can possibly be.

Emily,
Thank you for this post! As a mom of 3 girls, I often feel the same. So many times I hear, ” Wow, you sure have your hands full.”. I often respond with, ” …and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I wish more people realized that their comments have an impact.

Thank you, thank you thank you!

Emily,
I’m not sure if you have the chance to read all of the comments that get generated from your posts, because you do touch so many people with your honesty, and sweet nature, but I sure hope you do because so many people sending you postive thoughts wishes and prayers should lift your spirits up.
PLEASE do not get discouraged by simple minded people who have not been blessed with the awesome responsibility of raising our future generations. It’s a big deal, and you are doing a wonderful job. As a mother, we always doubt ourselves, and so we should. It keeps us in check. But by no means should you let other people make you doubt yourself. They have no idea what it takes to walk in your shoes.
I know that when your kids are a little bit older you will see that things just flow naturally. Everything works out. And before you know it your little ones will be more self sufficient, but have no fear…they will always need you.
I know it’s a tough job, and one that is not appreciated nearly enough in our society. But I feel it is one of the most important roles a woman can have. Feel good about yourself and know that your little peeps are so lucky to have you as a mother.
A good cry doesnt hurt anything and I hope you feel better today. Pink Sweater sounds like a self involved nobody that could not understand how wonderful it is to have a beautiful family and go outside the box of a 2.3 kids and a dog life.
:-) God Bless!

I am just finding your blog for the first time today and what a post for me to find !
Poignant, honest, and downright inspiring for any mom. Thank you for saying what so many of of just can’t sometimes.

Thank you for this post. I’m a mother of two (so far) boys and already hear comments like “you sure do have your hands full” and “maybe the next one will be a girl” (as if I’m not perfectly satisfied that God has given us two boys instead of some other combination).

BUT, I totally empathize with the embarrassment thing. I don’t want to be embarrassed by my kids in public either. My husband and I believe our goal in parenting is directing our boys’ hearts (towards Jesus), not only their behavior, but it’s still really nice to have well-behaved kids. So, when my kids are acting up and I start to hear that little voice in my head say “what is wrong with you, child?!,” I have to remind myself that they’re little sinners in need of God’s grace just.like.me.

Emily,

What a great post and THANK YOU for writing it. Today I really needed to read that and through my tears as I read it, it made me feel better and know that I am not alone in this wonderful but challenging journey of motherhood. I too, have encountered many “pink sweater ladies” who seem to speak before they think. I have heard “Don’t you own shoes for your child?”, “Don’t you think you have enough children? The world is already overcrowded”, “Why do you bring your kids to restaurants if they are going to behave like that?”…I could go on and on.

Nevertheless, there are hard days, like this morning when my 21 month old son decided to throw a smoothie at me as we were getting ready to walk out the door to take my 3 year old daughter to preschool. He screamed and cried the whole way there and the whole way home. Days like these are where I look at the clock and think “It’s only 9:00, how will I make it through the day?” But reading your blog made me feel better like I CAN do it. Of course I can, I always do. And like you, I wouldn’t trade my kids or my life as their mother for anything!

God bless…XOXO

Emily, I love this post. I love that you remind people to lift up others. I think we forget that people need that, even from strangers.

On another note, I love this post because it makes me want to have children. I think there’s something a little wrong with me, but when I hear stories about kids climbing on things or dropping things on the floor, I always get that little ache in my heart that says, “I just can’t wait til that’s my kids.” I hope that’s a good sign, and not the initial stages of some sort of personality disorder. I, too, have always dreamed of having 4 kids. I want a large family with lots of noise and energy and fun and even the hard times…because what a blessing it will be!

God bless you for being the mom you are and for sharing your story. Your kids are lucky to have you!

Thanks for sharing! This is so encouraging to me. I have two little boys and people are always telling me I have my hands full. I love what Michelle Duggar (the mom of 19 kids and counting) says, when someone tells her a mean comment she responds with something like “My hands are full, of blessings”.

Emily ~ keep up the good work!!

I love your authenticity! Motherhood (especially as a SAHM) is the hardest job but I wouldn’t trade my days with my two boys for anything. Our pastor is preaching through Titus 2 and this post and your desire for encouragement is exactly what Paul told Titus to write about. The older generation coming alongside the younger generation and ecouraging them that the road is long and hard but don’t miss the opportunity to pour Jesus into their everyday lives.

Thanks again as you encouraged me!

It is so refreshing and helpful when moms get real about the chaotic side of raising kids. I have two girls and some days I too have cried wondering if I am good enough to be their mom. I just have to trust that God picked me to be their mom for a reason. I think you handled that situation with Grace and humility, two things that Hot-Pink Sweater Lady lacked. Thank you for your honesty and thank you for such a wonderful blog!

I have one 4 year old girl and she is all I can handle. So, kudos to you. Knowing how difficult it is with one, I sometimes see other mothers with two or more children out and about and I often say to myself, “I don’t know how they do it.” But the point is, you are doing it. You should take the “you sure are brave” comment with a positive spin because, let’s face it, it does take a lot a bravery to tote four kids around town. You should own it and say, “Yes! I am brave!”

Everyone has their own reasons for choosing their family size and we all have issues on both sides. I honestly can’t imagine having any more than one, for personal and financial reasons. I had her at 32, so I was used to my independence. We’ll be able to fully pay for her college education and her 529 is well on its way, but I cannot do it for two and I don’t want to compromise her future just for the sake of having another. We travel with her, even abroad, and it’s all very doable with one.

But on the flip side, she’ll never know what it’s like to have a sibling relationship, for better or worse. Believe me, I get annoying comments too, like, “So, when are you having another?” I’m not. “So, all you need now is a boy!” No, I’m perfectly happy with the girl I wanted. “She’ll be so lonely without a sibling!” She has plenty of friends at school and cousins. “What will happen to her when you and your husband die?” Seriously? She’ll grieve, just like any other person who has lost a parent.

So, as you can see, whether we have one or four, we all have to deal with our own lady in the pink sweater.

What a great post, Emily. You have summed up life with young kids so well. It’s wonderful, but it’s HARD.

Just know that for every insensitive person, there is an army of moms on your side.

I’ve had people ask me if my twins are natural. Are they natural?! That’s like asking a stranger, “Are you boobs real?” I’ve just said yes and moved on, but one day I might breakdown. “Why yes, I did endure several years of fertility surgeries, drugs and treatments if that’s what you’re asking. Insurance didn’t cover any of it if you’d like to make a donation.” =)

This is spot-on! I have four too – three girls and a boy. The boy was #3. If I tell people I have three girls and a boy, they often respond with “oh, the boy is the youngest?” As if I kept going until I got the boy.
We did not try for ours either, but just happened. We talked before marriage of three kids – we call our 4th our “bonus child”. All are such blessings.
Thank you for posting this and reminding people of the realities of getting to run around with four different little personalities.
You are a wonderful, thoughtful woman!

I don’t have kids. I’m at the age where most of my friends are having their first, so I don’t know much about theirs, either. I read a lot and used to babysit a lot, but I realize that will add up to nothing when I finally have kids :) But I still LOVE reading stuff like this. Not only does it make you seem more human (thank you) but it helps me to realize that when I do have those days when I feel like a failure (because I already know I will have lots!) that it’s normal! And I think it mostly means that you LOVE and CARE FOR your kids enough to want them to turn out well. If you didn’t care about them, you probably wouldn’t care what anyone thinks, either. Thank you!!!

I applaud your honesty and can see you have a lot of support from other moms in the same boat in all of the comments above. I hope I am never a pink sweater lady to a mom who is out trying her best. I try to open doors for moms with strollers and give them a safe forgiving look rather than a judge-y one when their kids cry on planes or in grocery lines. I’ve raised my kids who now have kids of their own. I don’t forget what it was like. Hug yourself today. Your honesty has helped a lot of people.

Wow…now that I am done sobbing from reading your post i can comment. I can also say the we have 4 kids and that I can so fully understand your thoughts perfectly! We have 3 little boys all under the age of 8 and 1 teenge girl. For some reason though our boys are so much easier than the girl. She has been very challenging. So even though someone else thinks girls are easier and thinks it undesirable to have boys, it is only their opinion. God gives us what we can handle and what we are supposed to have. You are an awesome mother and it is so hard being a mom with lots of small children…even one can be hard. We have encountered the occasional man or woman who seems considerably annoyed by us when we are out and about but mostly we get smiles and encouragement. And like you said, it is so uplifting to hear good things! We also homeschool so more time is spent with our kids than most. Thank you for being so tranparent and know that many of us out there reading your posts feel exactly the same way and applaud your loving efforts. We all need to hear that!

Thank you so much for your thoughts. I also have four children, and it IS trying sometimes (even though two of mine are older), but we do it, and our children love us for not keeping them locked up in the house 24/7, and when they are grown, they will appreciate that we showed them the world, messy lunches and meltdowns included. good job, Mom :)

I’m not a mom, but I hope to be one day. My husband and I want a big family, and are still currently enjoying the newlywed phase of life. I am one of four, the oldest and the only girl. Although I’m not a mom, I can remember the times when my mom would take us places and people would stare or make comments. I can remember when people would look at my parents like they were crazy for having 4 children, but my parents always told us that we were loved and they wouldn’t trade us for anything. There will always be people who don’t understand, who are well-meaning but clueless and there will always be days when it’s harder to deal with. But you are doing a great job. And sometimes it is ok to remind people that you love all your children, not just one in particular. :) Keep it up!!!!

What a beautiful post, Emily… thank you! I know this touched so many of your readers. I so remember those days when I had little ones (3 under 4), and what a huge encouragement it was when someone offered a smile, a hand, or a word of kindness in the midst of chaos! Now, at 53, with all my kids young adults and out of the house… I’m in the place where I can be that person who reaches out to young moms. I try to make a point of doing this regularly, but your post was a wonderful reminder to actually seek out these opportunities, pray for them, and lovingly reach out in whatever way I can during these trying moments that come so often with young moms with “lively” children by their side:) Thank you Emily, and blessings to each and every one of you young moms… be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of Lord (aka: raising and nurturing young children!), knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord!

Well said! It’s the hardest job on the planet!!
I love your honesty and can relate 100%.

You’re a good mama with a beautiful family.

People don’t realize that their off-hand comments can really hurt (and anger) someone. I have 3 year old twin boys and I constantly hear people say “double trouble”. I usually just smile or completely ignore it, but it does bother me.

i can tell you i’ve been there. and the lady in the pink sweater is no help. i only have three children but i did have three young children and it was challenging. i was not perfect nor am i now that they are a wee bit older (my baby is 6). but i wouldn’t change anything about our life, they are gifts and as they get older it does get easier from the standpoint of taking them places but it’s still hard it’s just different. my daughter is 12 and is a loving, smart girl and i pray she continues down this road as her teen years approach. i learn so much from them and humility is one. i still get tired and impatient and just pray that God will give me the strength to do better tomorrow. thank you, i could relate to every single word you wrote. keep up the good work, susan

Beautiful sentiments. As a mom of four Boys, I hear you loudly! I have always been asked if we kept trying for a girl – answer, no. Then , are they all your, or by the same father? That one really gets my goat. Yes, they are. We’ve been married THIRTY years! Then, they’ll say God bless you, which then my answer is , YES HE DID! God blessed me with my four sons as He continues to do everyday. No, it hasn’t been easy for this oldest girl of seven girls. I’;ve had to learn sports and to enjoy them, dirty stinky socks, and learn to appreciate all kinds of critters. But, when I’m handed a beautiful flower with those dirty little hands, I say, Yes, God blessed me! I am tearing up writing this as I am about to pack my second son off to work sixteen hours away from home. We feel fortunate he has been blessed with a job right after college, but it will be difficult to not been close to him physically.
All my best Emily. I’ve walked in your shoes and they are difficult, but such blessing as well.

Emily,

THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS! You encouraged me to write my own post just now
http://home23duncanboys.blogspot.com/2012/02/i-have-to-get-this-out.html

I have three boys and just this past weekend I experienced how rough they could be. I oldest son got stitiches because his younger brother head butted him in the mouth. I felt like the worse mother ever… I was already dealing with a lot. I’ve been feeling a little discouraged in the mother department lately.

I’m proud of you for being able to get this off your chest. I hope you know that you are a great mom. Like Oprah said, being a mother is the hardest job in the world and that’s coming from a woman that has never raised a child. I guess this is what makes us GRAND parents later in life. we made it through our first round of children and can now appreciate the second round of parenting even more.

Take care my dear and don’t let any of the “women in the pink” get you get down again. People can be mean sometimes.

I so related to this post! Pregnant with my fourth boy I’ve had plenty of “trying for a girl” comments tossed my way. Yesterday I got my first “I bet you’re tired of having boys” comment. I defended the best I could while still being polite. We quite like our boys.

And with all these little boys we have plenty of rowdy moments. I’ve been so grateful for those “mature” couples who turn around in the pew after church, and even though I’m apologizing for my noisy crew, they smile and talk about how they remember being right there, and remind us that they’re little and to enjoy them, and assure us that we’re doing just fine.

We all need to encourage and be encouraged.

I try not to feel hurt by those same kind of encounters with people. I have 3 boys too and the comment that hurts the most (that I have gotten on many occasions) is, “I don’t think I could handle that.” It is always said when my boys have had an especially hard day and they are having a hard time making good choices. I don’t understand that comment. I am trying and so are my kids. This will pass and they are not like that all the time. We are both learning. The bad voice in my head wants to point out that their kids have moments too. I think you handled it beautifully and do a great job teaching your kids.

Thank you for your honesty today. I needed to read this. I am a mother of 5, and also occasionally have those moments where I feel completely incompetent for this most important job as a mother. It’s nice to be reminded that I am not alone, and we all have tough times that are mixed in with the joy of raising and caring for our amazing children. Also, I am going to try my best to keep my eyes and ears open, so that I might be some help and support to another mother who needs me.

Thank you for being real:)

I also have four, and I so needed to read this today! I have felt so overwhelmed lately, too! I also recently left a lunch after church in tears after taking just the younger two out by myself. My husband was traveling with the older two and it just all went badly. No one commented to me, and the people I was with were even encouraging and sweet, but it was just hard! I cried the whole way home . . . the ugly cry! But more than just the hard moments out, it is just plain hard. And some days I feel so poorly equipped for this. But I keep a copy of this hymn in my kitchen and the first verse is such an encouragement — I am giving back my life to the One who has given me new life in Himself. And by doing so, I know it is all the richer!

O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in Thee;
I give the back the life I owe,
That in Thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

What a wonderful post! Thank you for saying it out loud!

Thank you Emily for this post! I loved so many different parts. I know every young mother out there knows just how you felt and where you are coming from, and I wish every person who has left the young mother stage could go back for just one moment and remember what it’s like. I have 3 boys and I love them more than anything in the world, but it is a challenge! The comment about you finally getting your girl jumped out at me too. Although I would love to have a girl, I can’t even imagine life without my boys and would be beyond happy yo have another one. I’m not sure why the whole world thinks your family is not complete until you have one.
Keep up the good work and thanks for the encouragement to us all!

“Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest.”

Your post makes me smile. I have had the same “I’m-a-bad-mom-what-am-I-doing wrong” thoughts many, many times. I can relate VERY well, you see, because we have 3 BOYS, one in Second grade, one in kindergarten, & one who is 4 1/2 (all three who are very spirited)…..then we have a GIRL, who is 2. But that is not all! God blessed us with another little BOY 6 months ago. We love them very, very much but …oh-my-goodness…sometimes life gets wild!!! :-) And it is then we wonder “what are we doing wrong!?!” But, you are right….we would NOT trade them for the world. When our children get almost unbearable, I try to remind myself that someday I will wish they were little again! I think you are doing a great job as a mother. It takes a lot of effort to do crafts and projects with kids, but you do so good!

I wish you a blessed and calm day! :-) Now I must be off to…..fold laundry-wash dishes-make beds-pick up clothes-breakup fights-cuddle a sad little girl-read bible stories-clean the house-change a diaper-make lunch-etc. LOL!! What a GREAT life!!! (Seriously)

thank you. i needed to read this today. i am a new mother of 8 month old triplets and it is hard. wonderful, but hard. sometimes when we are out in public (which is only to the peditrician or on a walk) people say strange things. I don’t think they mean them to be hurtful, but sometimes they are. I try not to meltdown- but sometimes i do.

you are right, all I can do is try my best and learn from my mistakes. children are such a blessing. i am flawed, but i will continue to try to be better, even when it is hard. be proud of yourself for taking them out to a healthy lunch and letting them have a lesson on eating in public, even though it wasn’t the easiest choice for you.

Oh Emily.

It sounds like you have a very challenging, but rewarding life. And you are still able to handle this blog and do your artwork. You are a fortunate woman. I know people say silly things sometimes, and sometimes try to remember that they may just think they’re being friendly and they don’t realize their silly comments have a real effect.

But when people say they didn’t TRY for any of their kids actually is a comment that makes me really crazy and sad. A lot of people say that, too. Please remember how lucky you are because there are many women out there who would desperately love to have a family, who TRY and TRY and TRY, with a loving spouse and with fertility specialists who are still unable to even have one baby.

I couldn’t even sit through a full service on Sundays when they’d have christenings, it made me so sad that I almost doubled over in anquish. All my husband wants is a big family and it took six years and multiple rounds of IVF to FINALLY be blessed with one, perfect baby.

And while I know I can’t really understand how difficult it must be to be on duty 24/7 for four children, I know that with my one, blessed child that I have also cried and know that there is stress and that my life has changed. I am also an artist and designer, and it’s very challenging to find time for it now. But it’s so worth it. And when stress gets me down sometimes, I think about the joy we were FINALLY given, I am so thankful.

We have been told that it’s very unlikely that we can ever have another, and we just had another failed IVF attempt. Adoption isn’t likely due to a few factors.

You ladies out there don’t know how lucky you are that you don’t have to TRY. So if some silly old lady or grumpy person says something about trying for a girl, or they didn’t want a boy, just chalk it up to being ignorant and practice your yoga breathing! Because an even more difficult question is when people casually say, “So, when are you guys going to have a baby?” – to a couple who have cried and continuously pray, plead, and have tried almost everything possible to do this.

People say dumb things. Four kids, of any gender, sounds like a lot of work, yes – but also bliss and a huge dollop of blessing.

Emily, our two boys are 20 months apart and when they were smaller my husband worked A Lot! So I know how you feel even though you have two more than me. Be encouraged and know that your post was needed to give a voice to all the moms who are in the throws of motherhood. I remember browsing Target with my boys and hearing myself breathe very loudly because all I wanted to do was get out of the house and they were just being kids. You are a great mom and keep taking your kids out and let the negative onlookers stay in their grumpy state of mind, life is too short.

I too have to face the looks, comments and just plain rudeness that accompanies taking 4 kids out and about with you. My kids are not unruly, they in fact are quite shy so it’s not because they are causing a scene most of the time. People these days just cannot believe that they are in fact, all mine. I mean seriously, if I could get away with not taking them all with me I would, and I would definitely not be bringing other people’s kids along lol.

I always get the comment that I must have my hands full and I always reply that yes, I do, but I would rather they be full than empty. That usually does the trick.

I agree that having 4 kids is a wonderful blessing, yet hair pulling out experience. I question how I got this many kids all the time:) But I love that quote that your pastor said about once you have kids you cannot imagine being complete without them and that couldn’t be more true.

You are not alone in this struggle!

I too have four children, the youngest being our only girl. You are so right, having four kids is HARD! The comments people make are ridiculous…I even named my blog “you’ve got your hands full” because I hear it at least once a day from strangers. “You finally got your girl” is definitely one of my least favorite comments, but the one that makes my skin crawl is when people say to my husband “you can’t deny those kids!!” (yes my kids are his clones, but come on, who says that?!)

Girl, its just not acceptable for people to treat you like that. You need to practice quick witted responses to those smart statements like you finally got your girl. People are too insensitive and careless statements and condescending looks can destroy people. B*tchy pink sweater lady’s kids probably resent her – she probably never let them LIVE! You didnt take your kids to a fine restaurant to ruin others special occasions, you took them to a sandwich shop, which you have every right to. Im glad your kids arent robots!

Great post.

Thank you Emily for writing this! I am not so brave on my blog! I too have three boys and girl and get soooooo tired of hearing “you finally got your girl”. We did not “try” for a girl. We wanted four children, God decided when and what we would get. We would have been happy with however he arranged it. Although I love how the boys take care of their sister! Not sure I love what a tomboy she is turning into at four, but that is who she is:). I have friends and relatives and random people that have commented they can’t imagine three boys. I can’t imagine not having three boys! Honestly my boys are so much easier than my one girl! Ha! Hang in there. My boys are older, almost 15, 11, and 7. They don’t climb on signs anymore. They hold the door open for me and others. They know that if things are crazy at a restaurant I may order for everyone and they just have to deal! Yes, I’m mean like that! Your boys will too. You are good parents, it just takes time. Kudos to you for still taking them out alone. My husband works too many hours so we spend a lot time without him. We have even flown to grandmas several times, just me and them. I am just stubborn enough and can’t stay home all the time that we make it work. And yes, someone is always unhappy. That’s life. I tell them that today may not be the thing you want do, or the place you want to eat, but next time it might be and you wouldn’t someone ruining your good day by being ugly. And yes, we get so many looks and comments anywhere we go. I want to say “we have friends with more than this!” Anyway, I could go on and on with stories you would get. Just keep ignoring the comments. It’s not anyone’s business how a family came to be. People may choose to have one child, people may only be able to have one and be heartbroken any time someone asks when they will have more. I have a friend with twelve. Either way, it’s their business. People shouldn’t comment unless they truly know the situation.
One more thing, you may have read this post. I read this a couple of weeks ago http://lysaterkeurst.com/2012/01/i-dont-want-to-raise-a-good-child/
and it really gave me some perspective. You might enjoy it too! :)

Sweet Emily, you are such a good mom!! I have one little boy who is Audrey’s age, and when my husband is away for work which is often (he’s navy) it is HARD sometimes to do it all- and I just have one! :). Our preacher started out his sermon yesterday by basically echoing your letter. One of the special needs children in our church was acting up, and the parents were embarrassed. So he took the time to make an aside and encourage them. He said exactly what you said- that kids, special needs or not, can be challenging, and every parent out there is constantly trying their hardest to do their best for their kids, and just hoping that they don’t mess up too bad. And that what parents need is not correction, not judgement, not snide glares, but encouragement. Amen to that! And I totally think that God tells us children are a blessing not just because He loves them so, but because He knows that they are the perfect tiny mirrors to help us truly see ourselves, and they are the perfect instrument to help us understand His love better. So rock on sweet Emily, you ARE doing a great job, and I know those kids must absolutely adore you!

Emily, you seem like such a great mom. Thanks for being so real.

Some people spread sunshine, others have a dark cloud over their head..
So sorry to read that this lady in the pink sweater rained on your parade…:)

Just yesterday at work a familiar customer came to the market and my first thought was grrr…Wonderful, here comes Debbie Downer…She NEVER has anythng kind to say, finds fault in everything!!!( not my cakes thankfully)
Anywho, knowing this, I usually kill her with kindness…I know, a little twisted on my part, but what the heck, it s fun to do.
As she passed my booth, I smiled and said ” Good morning _ You can find a delicous dinner here today at the market, fresh pasta, breads,produce…etc” To which she replied with a smirk…” Oh I wouldn’t go that far.” Sheesh! I felt like then saying..” Then WHY are you here???” …you make us all miserable! :)
I am grateful I do not live inside HER head.

The lady in the pink sweater cannot imagine doing what you do….because she could not handle it with love and grace…selfish people say selfish things.

I have three kids but I remember the insane days with little ones very well. My heart always goes out to the mom in the store whose little one is having a melt down. I’ve been there – I’ve dealt with that. Sometimes it just happens but the true test of being a good mom is how you handle it. If you aren’t the kind that yells at your kid for being frustrated or pulls their hair for being bad (just recently saw that one) but pulls out of the way a bit and tries to console and re-group the family then that is about the very best you can do when your troops are small. The least the rest of us can do is give them an encouraging smile and let them know you can relate.

As for rude people (especially those lovely older women who think they have the right to comment on our parenting in that catty, sniping, vicious way only women can pull off) just remember their words are reflecting on THEIR character – not yours.

Paige

Emily, I have to admit, I’ve been judging others from afar. I haven’t had kids (only been married 8 months) and I’m just now feeling my biological clock start ticking. I would judge parents on how their kids acted and I didn’t like kids for the longest time. Thank you for sharing. Hearing it from your point of view has opened my eyes and humbled me greatly.

I know there are more parents out there like you, I just see so many parents ignore their kids when they are crawling under the table and running out in front of waiters at restaurants. That’s what bothers me the most. But, now if I see someone who is really trying, I’ll tell them they’re doing a great job!

Thank you!

What an awesome post this morning! I cried the entire way through – because I feel the same way! You’re a good mama – don’t forget that! Just continue to ignore the pink sweater ladies of the world and focus on those sweet babies!! Thank you SO much for sharing!!!!

Wonderfully written! I needed to hear this. Just the other day I was at the library with my four boys (ages 9, 6, 4, and just turned one). They were on their best (unusual) behavior standing beside me looking at movies. I was chatting with a friend of a friend that I haven’t seen in a few years. She looked at the baby and gasped “you have FOUR boys now!”. Then she had the nerve to say “Four boys… I’m soooo sorry”. I could have decked her. My kids were standing right there within ear shot. Here’s the kicker.. she has two girls and a baby boy with down syndrome and a big handful of medical issues. I really wanted to go on and on about my healthy happy normal children but I just smiled and kissed my baby boy who I wouldn’t trade for any girl. People say the dumbest things!

I can totally relate. I too have 3 boys and 2 little girls. I have heard all those comments as well. We purposely did not find out the gender of the last 2 girls because I did not want to hear the comments of being sorry I was having annnoooother boy. We try to go out to a nice dinner once a week and sometimes I find myself thinking what was I thinking trying to bring them in here. Was it really worth the hassle? Last night was one of those nights when we decided to go to a Mexican restaurant. A red soda was spilled on the floor, no one would stay in their seats, more than one refused to eat what we just bought, someone was crying, baby kept trying to jump out of the high chair. We got all the glares but I too want to teach them how to behave in public and I don’t want my life to stop just because I am worried about what other people think. It’s all good and I want to just be grateful for what I have been blessed with.
I too am so grateful for the people who help outand smile insteadof glare. It amazes me when a man sees me coming and refuses to open the door or when I have been pregnant and they don’t give up their seat.
Thanks for posting this. Nice to know we are not alone in our endeavors.

I feel your pain, your joy, and your frustration. I, too, have three boys and one girl. My girl is #2. My kids are spread out, now 5-14 in age, and I still have this issue. My oldest has a (medicated, but not eliminated) mood disorder, a very mild social disorder, which adds to the comments and stares. If one more person says, “You have your hands full,” I’m going to go postal!
But, my sweet mother taught me an important lesson that I will share with you. She was given away–raised by her aunt down the street from her parents. Every day she played with her sibs and was sent home every evening. After that, she strived to make everyone in her life feel loved and wanted. I was a surprise (#5), coming just before my mom’s 41st birthday. So, most of my same-aged friends called my mom “Grandma.” The last words my mom said to me at the hospital were “You need to go be with your babies.” I had only two then. Two days later, she crashed and was left unresponsive. Five days after that, she left this world. 10 months later, my #3 arrived looking just like my mom. Every time I look in his eyes, I remember my mom’s lesson. It doesn’t matter what others say. What matters is that your kids know how you feel about them, and that they know they’re loved.

Thank you for your honesty! We ALL need a little help sometimes!
I have two girls and often feel flustered or get the “are you going to try for a boy” remark. I hate that, too. And even if you only have one child that can be A LOT sometimes. It’s all relative to what you are used to. I think women should be more sensitive to one another. More than once my husband or myself have asked a mom with one or more kids who looked a little flustered if she needed help. We have to pay it forward!

I just wanted to thank you for your post. I’m a fairly new reader to your blog, but I wanted to tell you that your words touched me this morning. I really needed to hear this and it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing this.

I love this post! Thank you! I am a young mom myself, but I am going to try to be better at making nice comments to people about their kids and parenting. Like you, it means so much when people say those things to me.

Also, I had a boy first and then a girl…so everybody always said, “Oh wow, so you’re done!” Ummm no, I am not. I now have 2 boys and a girl and we will be having one more down the line. I feel like people look at me crazy when I am out with all of them. They are 3, 19 months and 2 months. I realize it’s close and I am young, but that’s what I want. Funny how people always assume people just want a boy and a girl.

Open and honest and lovely. I have four kiddos too and sometimes all we need is someone else in the same kind of shoes we’re attempting to clunk around in to say their feet hurt too sometimes:) Mine do, but the shoes are so darn cute – they are worth it.

“Someone once said that parenting is not so much about teaching a child as it is about refining a parent.”

I loved this. And although my little shoe analogy may be slightly dorky – sometimes the shoe just makes the outfit. That’s what my kids do for me. That’s what yours seem to do for you. So, this is me saying – I love your shoes:) and you really do wear them so well.

thanks for that!! I am a new mom of 3, and I cannot stand to stay in the house, and I too like to get out and let them experience life outside of our home.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

and you are blessed to have them as your children:)

Once again, I can completely relate to your post! I too am a mother of 4…boy (9), boy (7), girl (4), boy (almost 2). My husband and I always wanted to have a big family but didn’t really ‘try’ to have each child…God just kept blessing us with a precious baby every 2.5 years:) 4 years ago we moved to a new state and live about 4 hours away from family. Unfortunately any friends we have made have also moved! So needless to say, some days are really challenging. Life has to go on even if my husband has to work long hours and I don’t have a support system around. Oh yeah, and I homeschool too, so I always have my kids with me:) Running errands is usually always eventful and exhausting. I’m not complaining, I know many have it harder. But I also have been the recipient of stares and insensitive comments (rambunctious kids, 3 boys 1 girl, etc.) Sorry for the rambling, I’m just really glad to have found your blog – I really relate:) It is quite evident that your children are very blessed to have you and your husband as parents

People have no idea what they are saying. I swear women forget what motherhood is after their kids leave their home. I am so sorry for the comments. I only have two kids. A boy and a girl. So often people will say something along the lines that we don’t need to have any other kids because after all we have one of each. It’s perfect. So why have any more and ‘risk it.’ Risk what? That we give birth to a puppy? Not a child? I think being a mom is hard. It’s a test of strength daily. My husband and friends summed it up the other night when they said that the entire day can be terrible. 99% of it you feel like you as a parent were a total failure. Then your child will say “I love you” and that 1% just wiped out the other 99.99999% of heinous parenting feelings for the day. thank you for your post! It was a great one today!! (as always of course.)

I totally feel you on this. I am completely exhausted when I arrive home after a small trip out of the house. My son is 2 1/2 and daughter 5 months. While it is so much work, I want them to know the world outside of our home. I have been stopped twice so far, by complete strangers who have told me that I am a good mom. Both were totally random, and took place during a time when I was frustrated and overwhelmed. It made me stop and pause for a moment. Little things we do with our kids matter. I am always so thankful for the random moments and I hope when I see a situation like that, I can extend a compliment to that mom who is trying her best.

I’m proud of you! Keep up your good work!!!! And you are right: 4 kids is hard but it’s worth it.

A young friend of mine just had a similar experience to yours. She had to take her 5 young children with her (of course) when her 4th child needed xrays and an mri. People at the hospital were giving her such a hard time. “Are all of these yours?!” Lauren said, “I wanted to say,, ‘No, I just gathered up the neighbor kids to bring along while my daughter gets tests.'” She is a great mother and so are you!!!

Now as an empty-nester at 52, I miss my 3 kids SO MUCH even though I see 2 of them at least once a week) and wish I’d spent more time with them and ignored more of what they did that was embarrassing. Energetic kids with loving moms grow up to be great people! Here’s to you and the others like you!!!

Thank you. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Just this morning I was in bed praying for God to help me through the day. Motherhood is hard, there’s no way around it. I’m thankful for Godly women like you who are willing to be honest about the struggle b/c it’s a way to encourage the rest of us that we’re not alone. Thank you Emily!

well, anyone who wouldn’t want a little boy shouldn’t have an opinion! heehee! I read your blog and admire how you get it all done with 4… I only have one little handful. Keep it up… you are wonderful :)

Emily- You are a great mom! Tears came to my eyes when I read this. I am at the other side, my kids are young adults. I know the exhaustion and frustration but believe me one day you will look back and wish for one of those days! Keep up the great work!

I SO appreciate you sharing this! I felt like I was reading a page out of my own life. My husband is a truck driver that is only home on the weekends. The long weeks without him to help with the kids can be so tough. It is encouraging to know that I’m not the only mom that struggles. Thank you for sharing!

This is a wonderful post, mainly because of how transparent you are. I always try to encourage moms in public, now that mine are 12, 10, and 8. My first two were 15 months apart, I had severe Postpartum Depression, and I just remember the chaos….especially when we added the third. I have complimented moms before on how nicely they talk to their children, and seen them so surprised….I guess positive feedback can be slow in coming.

It is unfortunate the unkind things that are said. I SO felt for you with the “pink sweater lady”. I have had a lot of those, including the woman who told me when I was hugely pregnant with my second and my first was only 13 months old — “Well, you’ll never have a minute to yourself”. Really?! How is that helpful in any way?

Having one girl and two boys, I have lost track of the number of times I have been told some variation of, “At least you got your girl”. Once I was told, “Boys will be boys” when one of my sons was not behaving. In a moment of boldness, I told the commenter that we don’t “do” that around our house….boys are expected to behave as much as girls. That shut him up. :)

And I know what you are saying about the bias against boys, too. I am the first to admit that, coming from a family of 4 girls (no boys), having two boys was a bit of a stretch for me. I adore them and can’t imagine my life without them now. But — WOW — the comments. Just sat next to a mom who complained about her boys to the point that I was regretful that one of my sons was overhearing. It wasn’t just a “had a bad day” rant. It was an anti-boy rant. There is a big difference, and it’s hard to hear.

Anyway, thanks for sharing. I love your blog and your heart! :)

Amy

Oh you sweet, wonderful mama! You are right- it is SO hard some days, especially when they are still so little and normal! And it seems like it is always harder when you are going out of your way and trying to do something fun with them. I was much more judgmental when I only had one (perfectly behaved) child. Now I have 4, and that last one has made me throw out any parenting theories or judgments I had left! It’s too bad that the world has lost its “filter”, and people feel free to share any and every thought they have. You are doing a great work, and I feel confident that you are turning out 4 amazing and unique products that the world couldn’t live without! Thanks for letting us have a glimpse into the process.

Thank you for being so honest and sharing from your heart. I almost cried when I read this. I know just how you feel! A lot of the time I’m a single mom. My husband is an airline pilot and only home about 9 days a month. Some times it’s so hard! The past few days have been really hard for me. I love my “job” as a mom. But, sometimes you get so tired ( in body & spirit). Some days it’s just overwhelming all the things that have to be done in a day including homeschooling. I want to be sure I also do fun things with them too. I guess we all feel like we don’t measure up at times. But, God never puts more on us than he puts in us and I’m so glad for that! I’ll pray for you. As moms we need that all the time!

I am the Mama of 9 kiddos and you can only imagine some of the comments I’ve received when I’m out in public! The worst is the library…we used to use the self-check out, but inevitably my 2yo would throw a tantrum as the baby was screaming and my 4 and 7 year olds were trying to scan their own books, then a libarian would come over and say, “can I help you.” {In THAT condescending tone.} Now, I go straight to the libararian to check us out and usually they are overwhelmed by how many books we are getting, but they asked for it! :) Hang in there…it’s get’s better and really, you do stop caring…when we had 4 was the worst – I don’t know, people seemed to feel like they had the right to make comments. Now with 9, they just look at me in shock – or (I like to believe) awe!

I have so been there! My kids are currently 3, 2, and 1 and it is a challenge to go out in public. I am so blessed when perfect strangers help or are encouraging while I’m out and about. Thanks for posting!

Emily, you are a great mother! I found this quote to be so encouraging to me this weekend, and I trust it will encourage you as well: “Because Jesus was strong for me, I am free to be weak;
because Jesus won for me, I am free to lose;
because Jesus was someone, I am free to be no one;
because Jesus was extraordinary, I am free to be ordinary;
because Jesus succeeded for me, I am free to fail.” -Tullian Tchividjian

And on the topic of motherhood and guilt, this post by Lindsey was very convicting and encouraging: http://www.passionatehomemaking.com/2012/02/digging-out-of-the-pit-of-guilty-motherhood.html

Thanks for sharing your heart with all of us. May we be women who seek to encourage not only ourselves in the Gospel but others as well – especially busy, hard-working moms!

You said it so well! And you are not alone! I only have one, but I’m from a family with four children and more and more these days I wonder how my mom did it. I know it’s hard! I’ve gotten dirty looks when my little guy “talks” during church (I think he’s starting to sing!) and I wonder, “Isn’t this where he’s supposed to do this?! He’s here! At church! And he’s trying to talk and sing! Give me a break!” Cheers to you for doing your best for your kids and for biting your tongue with that insensitive woman. You’re serving your kids well :)

As a mother of one I am not always that outspoken about my frusterations as a parent. However, last week as I sat at work crying to my childless co-worker about the stress and struggles of parenthood I realized that it truly does not matter the number of kids that you have. God gave us the strength to handle what he has in store for us. HE also gave us angels (friends) to help us through.
The timing of this post, for me, was perfect. More mother’s need to hear that they are not alone and they are also not the first to experience parenting hardships.
Thank you for sharing!!

amen

I only have 1 right now with 1 more on the way.
I grew up in a family of 4 kids. I was the oldest and I saw how much work it was (even though i was part of the problem im sure)

I treasure the comments on how good your kids are or the ways people help out and I hope that I remember to do the same to others.

Thank you for your honesty. As a reader of your blog, posts like these make it so easy to relate to you. I love all of your other posts but I’m often left wondering how does she do it all! I struggle every day with two but want to do the best by my children just like you. Parenting is definitely the hardest but most rewarding job out there.

Oh how I feel for you and I want you to know that had I been in that sandwich shop, I would not have hesitated in helping you. I am a single mom..have been since the father of my kids left when I was pregnant with our youngest. My girls are 9, 11 and 12 now which means they were 1, 3 and 4 at one time. I obviously did everything with them. I frequently cried in the grocery store while pulling one cart of kids and pushing a cart of food. I always felt like I wasn’t doing it right and people used to hurt my feelings so much. Since I’m a single mom, it’s also assumed I was irresponsible and got myself pregnant all these times without a stable man, when really I just fell in love with the wrong man. But my girls are worth all those struggles I’ve had and all the ones still yet to come. Being a parent IS hard. It’s hard not to let others get to you but keep your head up and know that you are a good mom and if your kids are happy and healthy that is ALL that matters.

I’m right there with you! I have three kids and they’re all finally getting to be pretty much independent (my youngest is 6), but those years when they’re all little can be SO hard! And sometimes others don’t help at all with their stares and comments.
I’m sorry, but I had to giggle when you described your kids lunch eating scene, when one spilled the yogurt and another dropped his sandwich, and one ate all the chips. I giggled because I totally GOT it! I’ve so been there. many times. I remember when my daughter was two and she’d spill her milk all over her shirt every.single.time we were out to eat! And they’re kids and still learning, and they don’t always do it right. Now I can giggle, but when you’re in the middle of it it can be embarrassing and frustrating.
I can tell by your post that you are a great mom, trying hard to do your very best. Sometimes others can’t see that and it can be so discouraging! I agree that it’s so nice when we get those helping hands and compliments from strangers. I need to do more of that!

Amen to everything you wrote. And thank you for writing it. What especially hit home for me was your thought that although we do not have tantrums on the floor of a store, we are just as full of ugliness that we try to hide. Your comment that we can try to look good on the outside but our children know the real us–the impatient, selfish, lacking-of-grace moms–is a big Ouch. But true for me as well. Reading what you wrote makes me glad that every day is a new day, full of mercy and grace from God to start over. I think more than anything, being a mother of small children has forced me to acknowledge that I cannot do everything on my own, in fact, I can do nothing apart from God.

I’m on the lookout for a fellow mother to encourage today! :-)

This post really touched me. I can soooo relate to this……being a mom is HARD! But it is also the most rewarding and wonderful experience in the entire world.

I have three boys but my first two are only 12 months apart and my third is 8 years younger than my middle son (God is funny that way) The entire time I was pregnant and even now so many people say ” Oh I bet you wished he was a girl” or “oh another boy are you going to keep trying for a girl?” These comments are so hurtful. When did little boys become something no mom could possibly want to deal with??? The saddest thing is that my older boys (ages 11&12) get the meaning of this and wonder why more value is placed on girls.

Thank you so much for writing this post!! And remember you are the Best mom of all 4 of the beautiful kiddos God entrusted you with…….always

it always kills me when people feel the need to say the stupidest unnecessary things….usually that are insulting to the person.
with four girls i often times & even this weekend heard the “you never got your boy” comment. i mean really.
usually those kind comments can cover a multitude of the tacky ones. you are obviously a great mama my friend!
ps-years ago i thought i should write a book with a title somewhere along the lines of “things you don’t say to a mother of four girls who just buried her husband” .
xoox

I know you Emily only thru reading your posts each week, but thru those have a window into your heart and life. You are a great mother to your four precious children. It is hard…I only have one and it’s was a challenge…..so I can only imagine how much more challenging four can be. But, God honors the efforts of a godly mother. All those outings, lessons, time with them…they won’t forget and will want to pass those same things on to their children.

I too was the daughter of a fireman and had many days and nights at home with my mom. She also tried to make daily life normal and not wait till my dad was home for fun and adventure.

Be encouraged! You ARE a wonderful mom!

Beautifully said. I do not have children. It is a choice my husband and I made many years ago. I can only imagine the challenges of having four young children and all that goes along with your daily routine. I’m sure it’s hard. But I know from reading your posts that you are a great mom. You did the right thing by taking your children to a restaurant where there is healthy food as opposed to the drive-thru. And, while the pink-sweater lady might have said it in an unfriendly tone, I think you were brave to do this. Brave because the choice you made was one that could have put you in an embarrassing situation (elbowing, fussing, crying) but you did it because you’re teaching your children how to behave in public. You are to be commended! I’m sure every day your patience is tested, your nerves are rattled … but you so beautifully put all that into perspective when you wrote that you could not imagine life without them. I will take to heart what you wrote, and the next time I see a mom with young children, I will try very hard to be helpful in some way.

I’m a mom of 2 under 2 (though, not any more – today is my daughter’s 2nd birthday!). We want to have more and sometimes I find myself wondering how I could do it when these 2 babies can be so hard at times! Your words were so encouraging. Thank you so much for sharing your struggle with us. It’s a blessing to know I’m not alone.

I can’t believe how idiotic some people are… They just don’t think. My sister is also a mother of four — three of which are 16 month old TRIPLETS (just keep that in mind!). People say the most amazing things to her as well…

If it is any consolation, I am one of four…and we are now the best of friends. I don’t know how my mom did it, but she did it with grace — as I imagine you do too! Just think — someday they will all be older and close friends and you can look back and smile!

I have three kiddos, and I, for one, believe there are way too many pink sweater ladies in the world! I am sure that being the wife of a fireman is HARD work! Wishing you a day filled with friendly Costco workers and men who hold the door for your crew!