I have a small handful of clients for whom I design fancy holiday cards each year. They know Iâ€™m a mom, but I try to be as professional as possible when working with them – dressing up for meetings, taking phone calls away from the children, responding to emails promptly – so that they know me more for being a stationery-designer than a stay-home-mom.
Last year, at about this time, I was in christmas card production mode. It is quite often a stressful time for me as I do the bulk of my business during the month of November and Iâ€™m not so good at balancing work and home â€“ especially when I work at home. I had made just about every mistake possible when ordering my supplies and remember one night getting the the point when I just wanted to give up.
I felt like such a fraud.
Who did I think I was creating cards for these people? If they only knew I was just a frazzled mommy working late at night, sitting on a milk-stained couch watching â€˜While You Were Sleepingâ€™ putting their elaborate cards together. If only they knew how tiny my office was. How amateur my graphic design skills were. How little I knew about running a business.
I cried. I prayed. I probably got in bed and sulked for a while before I fell asleep, woke up in the morning and pulled myself together.
Iâ€™m feeling a little bit like that right now.
It probably has something to do with the fact that it is mid-November and Iâ€™m in that same busy time of year producing cards.
This year, though, I have a blog.
I love writing posts and creating projects, coming up with giveaways and sharing our home and family on here. A creativity has been awakened in me like never before and I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
But sometimes I feel like a fraud.
Iâ€™m afraid I present myself as this put-together, always cheerful, well-dressed, organized, ambitious, fabulous wife and super-mom. And on top of it all, a professional business owner. Iâ€™d like to think Iâ€™m these things. Iâ€™d really like you to think Iâ€™m these things.
But truth be told, Iâ€™m not quite there.
And maybe thatâ€™s just what I need to admit.
I work so hard to please, to appear professional, to have perfect graphics, a seamless shop, new and fresh ideas, quality products, interesting things to say or original projects to share.
But I think I lose a little bit of myself in that process.
I am just a regular girl.
A wife who loves her husband, but doesnâ€™t always show it.
A mom who adores her babies, but runs out of patience.
A friend who cherishes her girls, but forgets to return calls.
A person so energized by being creative, but not without dry spells.
I am a homemaker who would rather rearrange furniture than dust it, repaint a bathroom than clean it, eat out than sit down and plan meals.
Iâ€™m just a regular girl with the privilege of designing cards for a living and encouraging and inspiring others on this blog. It is a blessing and brings me such pleasure but I think sometimes my expectations for myself can get a little out of control. Iâ€™m working on that.
I thank you, sweet reader-friends, for allowing me to just be me â€“ however mightily-imperfect this girl truly is.